Thank You!

Thanks friends for the advice and the prayers.

Im still not sure what to do and how to go about it.  I know a lot of it is the holidays... and we are almost done with them, so Im hoping we get a reprieve!

I have decided that at least once a week I am going to send Madi to either my mom's (her Mimi) or to Mike's dad (her Pap Pap) so I can get some work done for church and also just have some down time.  Madi loves her grandparents and any time she gets to spend with them is always good.  She is blessed with Godly grandparents in all her local ones!! :o)  My dad is Jewish, but lives in Cali.  Mikes dad is amazing... he truly is a godly man... and just retired this month!  Haha... :o)

I really think that this will help me relax and have less anxiety.  I also think this will help Madi too because I believe part of her problem is missing her daddy.  When he is home and she is much better.  So then Wed- Sat when he doesnt get home till almost 8, she is at her worst.  I think spending this time with Mimi or Pap Pap will help fill that daddy void.  Especially Pap Pap.

After the other 2 go back to school, we might try the "staking" thing.  From what I understand, that is when you just keep them with you for most of the day.  Im not looking forward to it...  Ill admit that.  But at least she wont get in trouble.  Most of her poor choices are when she is alone. 

Well, I hope all you have tons of fun on New Years Eve... and your New Year is awesomely blessed!!! :O)

Momma In Need Of Help! :o)

Well.. we did have a good Christmas.  Some drama, but not unbearable!!
The kids were really blessed with tons of presents, including a trampoline from us!  I cant wait until Mike sets it up... I wanna jump on it! Haha!! :o)
We really had a lot of fun with family and friends... and for the first time in years and years, we were able to celebrate Christmas with my best friend and her hubby and kids.  We played Wii Dance and Wii Party... and had a blast!!  We exchanged gifts and had dinner... truly one of my favorite parts of the week!!!
We are really struggling with Madi and her total lack of impulse control.  She wants to do good, but just keeps making bad choices because she is just not thinking about them before she makes them.  This has resulted in her damaging things in our home and even damaging some of her most prized possesions.  She has always been so careful and loving towards her things, that the willful destruction of stuff has really taken us by surprise. 

She has also be disobeying a lot.  Doing things she absolutly knows she shouldnt but has decided she either doesnt care about the rules, or thinks she wont get caught. 

It has me on edge... wndering what she will do next... if she will damage something, or do something that could cause her or us harm.  And I dont know how to stop it.  I have tried many different consequences for the actions... but none are working and its been going on for over a month.

So, I am asking for some prayer... and also advice.  Have any of you parents been down this road??  What did you do? 

This momma needs some help!!

Oh PLEASE!!

Dear Jesus,

I have one wish this year for Christmas Eve.

I wish that today could be good... happy... peaceful... calm... and fun.

Thats all.

Thanks,
Dana



Oh please join us in that prayer!!  :o)  Seriously... the drama started bright and early this morning!  I have a grumpy nasty little girl on my hands.  I know that this time of year is so hard for adopted and foster kids.  They have so many memories and stuff surrounding these days that sometimes bad behaviors surface.

This frazzeled momma could seriously use some peace today!!  Those bad behaviors have been in my face for about 2 weeks now... and I could use a break.

Anyways... enough complaining!!
I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas... I know that despite it all, we will!  Our tree is beautiful, theres lots of presents under it, we have had opporunity to give to others, we will spend today and tomorrow with friends and family, and our house is warm, clean, and cozy.  And not only that, but most importantly... we have Jesus.  I am so thankful and blessed to know and serve the most holy King of Kings.... and that I can call Him Daddy!!  Do you know Him?  Cause if not... He is the reason for the season and He is so cool! :o)

Merry Christmas!!

Yea, He is Amazing!

God is so cool.

Seriously.  SO. COOL.

Last week, our TV went kaputz.  And being so close to Christmas and wanting to bless our family and friends and also strangers, we didnt want to put any money into something like that.

So I jokingly put on facebook... rest in peace dear TV.  And a friend saw that and went to work.  He had a friend who was getting rid of his and the huge entertainment unit he kept it in.  Then this wonderful friend borrowed a big ole truck from a guy at church to move it.  THEN... he told me about it but made me not tell Mike.  He told Mike that he had a tv and unit for a friend and he needed his help to move it.  Lol.

So.... I now have a beautiful new entertainment unit... with lots n lotsa of storage space!  And our old stand is now in the girls room.  I have been looking for a tv stand for them to put their little tv with Madi's collection of VHS tapes and some of their toys... but I didnt really want to spend much.  Well, free is even better!! 

God just knew how to bless me. He just knew that would put a smile on my face... so He worked it out.

Yea, He is Amazing!

What a Weekend!!

Wow.... talk about fitting a LOT in a little bit of time.  But all went well.. adn we made it through in one peice! 

We had:
Dress Rehearsals
Caroling
Christmas Party
Make cards for Caroling
Membership Class
2 Performances of the Nutcracker
Lead worship for 2 services
Practice with the worship team
Pick up a truck
Pick up a TV & Cabinet someone gave us (YAY God)
Drop Truck off
Sleep
Eat
All since Friday evening!!!

:o)  Im tired... I took a huge nap today...

YAY NAPS!

On the mend....

We are on the mend.

Tonight is the first performance of the Nutcracker and we are excited.  I am still coughing a good bit, but thats about it.  Madi says she has a sore throat, but I suspect she just wants more of the lollipops we bought that make their throats better.  And Jay got it too... but not nearly as bad as the rest of us (thank goodness!!).

I would like to ask for more prayer though... I went to the Doc's and after talking about my RA and whatnot... he suspects that there might be more going on.  Some of my symptoms arent adding up to just RA.  (UGH.)  So he is sending me for more blood work.  Please pray.  Some of the things he is testing me for are kinda (ok, a lot) scary!!  Lymes disease, Lupus, and a few others.  The lupus thing is the scariest for me. 

I read about it. Scary. Scary stuff.  I go for the bloodwork on Monday and IM not sure when I will have the results... but I know that I dont have a docs appt until the middle of January.  I hope to know whats going on before that though.

Please just pray.  Im only 28.  I havent even gotten to have a baby yet.  Im so young and so not done with living life as full as I can get it.  I already have been slowed down by the RA... this isnt the life I want for me or my kids!!

(Oh... side note... I lost more weight!!  woot woot!  Go me!)

Sick, Sick, Sick!

Oh the sickies have visited this house!!

First Mike got a touch, then both J and K.... then it SMACKED ME! This is day 4 of being down for the count.  Stuffy nose, totally congested head and chest, wicked cough. Fever, head ache.  Oh yea... this thing is a doosey.  The Madi started to get it, but thank the LORD that kid is strong, becuase she has only had a sore throat and some congestion.  She took a voluntary nap on Tuesday (which NEVER happens) and didnt sleep very well Monday night, but seems much better today.

And this is just NOT the week to be sick.  Madi takes ballet lessons with an AMAZING Christian non-profit studio that is so God-centered... its awesome.  This week is their annual Christmas ballet.. and this year is the Nutcracker, which is Madi's favorite story.  She was soooo excited to find out she is an angel and she also has a little solo.  Most adorable angel ever.
But all this means we have rehearsal every day.  It started Saturday.  Tonight is the first dress rehearsal and I am a dressing room mom... so I have to be better!!  UGH.  But it will all be worth it.  To see her little face light up as she dances... yup.  Makes my heart proud!

Going to lay back down now. I think my head has monkeys playing congas in it.  Loudly.  :oD

Great Giving Challenge

From (another blog) Dave Ramsey ...


(personally, this sort of stuff should be done all year, not just as Christmas!)



"This year, Dave is challenging all of us to give like no one else (my note: Christians should be known by their generousity!!!). So what does that mean? It means you need to get out of your comfort zone, think outside the box, and find ways to bless others. Whether you give some money to help a needy family with bills or give your time and energy to a shut-in, there are plenty of ways you can give like no else this Christmas. Here are some ideas to get you started:



Buy several winter jackets at a discount retail store and deliver them to the homeless in your community.



Pay the power bill for a family who is struggling financially.



Purchase a restaurant gift card for a young couple who are new parents, and offer to babysit their kiddo for free.



When checking out at the grocery store, hand the cashier some cash and tell her you want to pay for a needy family's groceries.



Take a single mom on a Christmas shopping spree for her kids.



Clean the home of a shut-in and cook for them. Stay and chat with them over dinner.



Bless your pastor with a Christmas bonus.



Call your church and ask them if they know a family in need of gifts this year. Then, purchase a gift for each family member and drop it off at their doorstep on Christmas Eve.



Shovel snow, rake leaves, or pick weeds for an elderly couple in or near your neighborhood.



Next time you fill up your gas tank, give the clerk $50 and tell him you want to pay for someone else's gas bill."



More GREAT ideas!!! http://www.daveramsey.com/specials/great-giving-challenge/
 
After reading this... I have decided to do 12 Days of Christmas... in this Giving-Challenge Style!
Im not buying the kids anymore presents... there are plenty to put under the tree.   And one big one that wont fit... (we got them a trampline... yay!)
 
So the rest of the money that we would have used will go towards doing some of those giving things.  Im kinda excited!  And Im thinking of taking it even further... and do it in honor of other family memebers instead of presents. 
 
:o)  Its gonna be a good Christmas!  Time to go get ready... our first Christmas Party is tonight... its our foster's agencies annual one!  YAY! :o)

Ugh.

Tonight, our caseworker offered to drive the foster kids home from their visit.  During the hour drive a certain younger kid decided to tell her that Mike and I hit her and we argue a lot.

Thank you JESUS for a great caseworker who knows the truth.

Please pray that we figure out the best way to deal with this.  She is either trying to punish us or get moved... maybe both.  We have been a little harder on her than usual because she has needed it a lot lately.  She is failing school and getting in a lot of trouble at school... not washing properly, not brushing her hair properly... or at all.  She has been disrepectful to Mimi and us, rude to Kiana, and making up stuff... mostly about Madi.  Its getting very difficult around here with her. 

Sigh.  I realllllllllly hope this doesnt have to go any further.  I dont think I could handle an investigation right now... and if they would have to investigate... the kids would have to be moved... which most likely means they would have to stop going to school during the investigation and Kiana has a choral concert coming up. 

Oh.  My.

The Update

Bubba and Dee Dee are such gorgeous little cuties.  I wish I could show you pictures of these kids.  They looks soo good.  Dee's hair has thickened and grew out (it was falling out due to malnutrition when we had her, but had started to get better, and she had a horrid hair cut.)  She is as tall as Madi now... when before she was wearing a 4t... now in a 7/8!!  Bubba is speaking in sentences.  He looks the same, just taller.  So cute and such a stinker.

I have to be honest.  It. was. hard.  Very very hard.  Bubba didnt really recognize me or Mike.  He said he did, but it was really in his eyes.  And then he called the foster dad... daddy.  While I am happy they are bonded and happy... it still hurts my heart. 

I miss them.

Seeing Them Again...

Its been 11 months, almost to the day that we last saw Bubba and Dee Dee. 
11 monts since we saw his silly smile with his tongue sticking out.
11 months since we heard her silly little girl giggle.
11 months since we got hugs.  And love.  And gave them all we had.

Tomorrow... we will see them for the first time in 11 months.  I cant sleep.  What will it be like to see the boy who was my son.  What if he doesnt recognize me... or remember me?  He was only 2.  What will it be like to hear him call another woman momma?  Even a good wonderful woman like the one he lives with now?
What will it be like for Mike to see his little girl... the second apple of his eye now.  They told us she has grown a LOT!  Thats shes even bigger than Madi.  How will he feel when she calls the man she lives with Daddy and not Mike?

Bubba came back into foster care this spring.  The county wanted him with his sister, so he went with them.  They are good, good people.  We actually like them alot.  In fact, the reason we get to see them is becuase they are doing a respite for Jay and Kiki this weekend. 

But my gut clenches at the thought of seeing the kids.

I truly truly believed we would get to adopt bubba.  I knew Dee Dee was gone from us and I was ok with that.  Dee Dee and Mike and really bonded way more than her and I had... and Bubba was my boy.  We  were together everyday all day and he was an awesome awesome kid.  For the months that he was here, he was my son.  Madi's brother.  Madi still thinks of Bubba as her brother... and even to an extent, Dee as her sister.

His new family said he is talking in sentences.... wow!  And Dee has gone from a size 4t to an 8!!  I cant imagine.  I do really want to see them, but I am so scared.  It will be so hard if Bubba doesnt remember me. 

When they left us, I really really really questioned why we were doing this.  If we could still keep doing it. I was heart sick over losing Bubba... but in the end, he belongs to his Abba Father anyway... so I just had to give bubba to God.

Pray for all of us tomorrow... I think it will be a bit of an emotional day.

(If you werent following me a year ago... Dee Dee and Bubba were 6 and 2 and were out foster kids for about 4 months.  Bubba was sent back home to his parents for a few months and becuase of certain things that happened, Dee Dee was moved to another foster home).

Thankfulness Day#3

Thankfulness Day #3

Today I am super thankful for our church.  OUr church truly has a heart for kids and we are even starting to see them gaining God's heart for orphans.. I cant wait for our Orphan Sunday presentation!!

I am thankful for the wonderful couple in charge of the children... they bless MIke and I and our kids every week.  It means the WORLD to me that I know every Sunday and Wednesday my kids are being taught how to pray, worship, and praise.  How to Listen to Daddy God... being fed the Word and being prayed for.  AND... they are learning that they are loved and valued.  That they are beautiful and wonderful just the way they are.

Its amazing to know that what we are teaching them at home is being echoed and re-enforced at church.  I love it!!

I am so thankful God led us to FACC!!!

Thankfulness Day #2

Today I am thankful for provision.

I know that without God's provision, Mike and I would have sank financially this past year.  But HE kept us  afloat with His mercy!

God is soooo good and faithful, and I am trying to open my spiritual eyes even more to see more of what He is doing oh so subtly behind the scenes!!

Like this week and last, I havent had any photo shoots and even had a couple of cancellations, but He is making sure we are taken care of by allowing me to babysit for my adorable cousins.  Not only do I love to love on them, but Madi loves it too!  AND... the extra cash is always a blessing!!

Im praying for more business and I know God will send it my way... cause His provision is awesome!!

Thankfulness Day #1

So, I meant to post this last night... but I forgot.

I am going to post something I am thanful for EVERY day until Thanksgiving.  I will probably need a bit of grace since I may forget a day or too... but I am also doing it on Facebook... so I hope that will help me remember to do it hear more too!!

YEsterday, November 1st, my facebook status said this:
I need practice thanksgiving instead of complaining! Im going 2 post something I am thankful 4 every day until Thanksgiving! Today: I am thankful 4 Michael Matson is one amazing man who truly makes me feel like the most beautiful creature on earth. He makes me feel like Super Woman... & is the man that stands beside ...me supporting me thru everything. I am so blessed 2 be married 2 this Super Man!

Seriously.  What a blassing this man is.  He works hard and does his work with excellence.  He makes me feel like a queen... and helps with homeschooling.  Thats a big GIANT help... lol... this momma is feelinga lil overwhelmed with school right now.  Ok, a lot. :o)

What are you thankful for today??

Our Infertility Journey

I thought maybe I would take time to share our infertility journey (the readers digest version) on here... because you ladies asked me some great questions after my last post.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16.. so Mike and I knew that pregnancy would be a difficult thing for us.  We had been married about a year and a half when we felt ready to try to concieve (TTC).  We assumed we would have to try for a while before we could actually start infertilitty meds.  I had lost a lot of weight and my periods were actually very regular... and after trying for about 3 months we got pregnant!  But, I found out the same day that I also had devolped diabetes as a side affect or part of my PCOS.  We lost our first baby at about 7 weeks, and we named her Hope.  After that the docs put me on a ton of meds and told me to wait a year.  I was DEVASTATED!  A year?  At the time I remember thinking that it seemed like a life time.  Almost 4 yrs later... yea, not so much!  As I was on all those meds I gained all the weight back that I had lost... in about a 7 or 8 month time period, and the one thing the docs always tell you is to LOSE WEIGHT to get rid of the diabetes.  So I went rogue.  I took myself off all meds and lost all that weight again and then some more.  During that time, I also concieved 3 more times and lost them all.  The last one, was about a year ago now and after that one the doc said that most likely all I would need to do is use progesterone to keep the pregnancy viable.  It seems inconcievable to me that thats all it would take.  It scares me SOOOO much to think about trying again and one little suppository would keep my baby alive.

So thats where we are.  I do know that something is just not "right" with me right now.  I need to visit the doc for some bloodwork to figure out whats up.  It could be something as simple as my Rhuematoid Arthritis (RA) acting up, or my hormone levels outta whack due the PCOS... or something else. Id like to think its just the RA or PCOS... thats my hope. 

Basically... my dilemma is totally fear based...

Fever...

Yea.  So I think I am sick.  Yup.  Pretty sure.  I think I have full blown baby fever. Its bad.  Its all I think of! I dream of babies, I cry over baby commercials, I think I am pregnant all the time... but never am.  I feel like life is not complete.  I really try to be happy for people I know who get pregnant, but the jealousy eats me up.  It stinks!!!

I know a lot of you wonderful ladies who read my blog are adoptive moms and really advocate for that... but Im going to ask for a prayerful opinion.

We have two choices right now.  Domestic baby adoption or infertility treatments.  Before we go any further... this isnt choosing once and for all which one we will do and its like one or the other... no, its more which one to do now... which one to save for 2 or 3 years.  Im 28.. I have time!

With infertility treatments.... we would not do ANYthing invasive.  Im talking about progesterone, metformin and MAYBE clomid.  Thats it.  No IFV, nothing expensive and crazy.  That money could go towards an adoption.  My drawback with this option is that we have ben through 4 miscarriages.  Im at a place where I dont think I can handle another one.  Im VERY scared of losing another dream.  Its getting better.  I am getting better with it.  Becoming more trusting again... but I dont know that I could handle going through that gut wrenching pain again... yet.

With adoption... its just downright expensive.  Not to God of course... but for us.  And I really do trust Him... but I think it needs to be His timing.   And thats what we are trying to figure out... is it His timing??  And there are other issues... like the momma changing her mind, etc.  And it can be a long process... to be picked, to get the homestudy, waiting waiting waiting!

We are just praying HARD to make the right choice.  Its not an easy one... but we are more than ready for a baby.  My heart aches for a baby... and we are NOT going to stop doing foster care and we would still absolutely adopt an older kid... but I want a baby for a million and one reasons!

Our Family

Our family... at least until March!

What a Blessing

This past weekend, the hubs and I threw each other a party for our birthdays!  His was on the 11th, and today, the 20th is mine.

What a blessing.  The day was wonderful!!  There were about 30 people packed into my house and overflowing to the outside.  So much chatting and great fellowship occurred... and that made me so happy.  I had a moment at one point that I just wanted to share.

Mike and I were holding a big platter of cake surrounded by cupcakes, the candles were lit and everyone was singing to us.  There were a LOT of people there and the love that was flowing was amazing. I looked into Mikes eyes and we smiled.. we were kinda embarrased to be in the midst of so much attention, but at that moment, I just felt so full.  Full of love, blessings, hope, encouragement, friendship... full of Jesus.  It rocked.  

I have felt for a few years now that we have been alone... Jesus and each other were our only friends, but now I cansee God bringing us into a time of plenty in this area.  And I am so thankful.  My best friends now live 3 hours away, instead of 14... we have renewed friendships that have been lost, or just left by the wayside... and we are making new friends at church.  And our party was a mix of all those friendships. 

Another favorite of the day??  The homemade cards.  OH MY WORD!!  Our bar is LOADED with them!!  The kids all made us some.  And the words they used and what they said to us made us swell with love and pride!!!

And, can I say.... a few months ago... the idea of a party at our house would make me cringe becuase of the behaviors that I would expect to see from them. Anger and attitude from the oldest, lying and trying to get attention fromt he youngest and who knows from Madi. On Saturday.... I swear, if you didnt know they were kids with issues, you would have had no clue that they were just normal attatched kids.  It was awesome.  We were so proud of them!! They were happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet... and they had lots of other kids to play with... which makes me so happy.  We finially have friends with kids!! Haha!

Anyways... what a blessing.  I think it was the best birthday party I have EVER had... those memories will bring a smile to my face for a long long time!!

Yea... Im still alive!!

So... Im ashamed to even post a blog since its been so long! haha!
Just kidding!!

What a busy few weeks its been.  We moved in, unpacked, went to Ohio (8 hours away), unpacked some more, had a little bit of flooding, more unpacking, fought in some stink bug wars, unpacked, tried to get stable high speed internet, unpacked, organized, and unpacked.  :o)

So... there are still stink bugs, though definitly not as many.
We still dont have high speed internet.
We have recovered and dried out from the water in the house.
And Ohio.  What an awesomly great trip it was. I did some photo shoots, chatted for HOURS with friends, met new friends that we chatted for hours with, and learned fun stuff. 

Madi is doing so well with her schooling. It still seems like a lot to do in a day.. but maybe it will get better.  She has memorized 5 verses so far... and we are turning them into a collage for over her bed.  I cant wait to show you all... and to show you pics of our house.  Soon.. I promise!

She also started ballet at her old studio... which is a Christian studio. LOVE them!  And we just found out today that her class is going to be part of a big production of the Nutcracker... which is her favorite ballet ever!! She is one of the angels. 

I am feeling ok... really tired lately... but that could be from 4 straight nights of less than 6 hours  of sleep.  Yeah... we stayed up till at least 2 am every night in Ohio...and got up at 8.  :o)  But those conversations where so worth it. 

Well.. thats it for now.  Super sleepy!!

We Are In!

Well... we're in. 

Our new house, that is!

We have internet now... but its not fast and its not reliable...still waiting on cable!

It looks like a box monster threw up in almost every room, except the kitchen and the girls bedroom.  There are stink bugs EVERYwhere... well, not so bad tonight... I waged some serious war on them with the vacuum! 

I am loving my big ole country house!!  We have eaten outside on the deck for EVERY meal since Saturday... even breakfast!!  LOVE IT.

Ill post more later... but for tonight... im out! :o)

See You Someday in Heaven Selah

Baby Selah passed away this morning.  As I read this blog, my heart felt heavy and yet light at the same time.  I realllllly thought God would heal her... and after my initial disapointment, I realized He did.  She is fully 100% healed in heaven. 
This baby who was born without a brain has touched more lives in 55 days than i have in 27 years. 

Its time for my awakening.  It made me think.. .when is the last time I led someone to my savior.  Yea... kinda cant remember. This baby led her birth mom to Jesus.  Amazing.

Selah has been such an inspiration.  Huge.  And I want Jesus to use me more.  If she can do it, so can I!!! 

Time to get out of my comfort zone.  Steppin out to be Jesus with skin on.

Praying for her family now though.  Despite this little baby now being healed and whole and wrapped in Heaven's arms, her family has been left behind.  They are still here on earth and missing their daughter, sister, neice, granddaughter.

http://www.hishandshisfeettoday.blogspot.com/

Then and Now...

9 years ago today was 9/11.  I was at VFCC, a christian college getting ready for chapel when I first heard about it.  We thought it was an accident, but as we headed to chapel and saw people crying in the halls, we knew it was serious.  They cancelled classes and we spent much time in prayer.  We stayed on campus and didnt dare leave becuase we are super close to Philly.

This year... my day was so different.  I have 5 kids here and was home all day by myself with them.  (My bff's cuties are staying with us for 3 days).  Mike left before anyone was up and returned home at 7:30. 

9 yrs ago I was getting ready for classes and chapel. 
Today, I had to beg the older kids to be good during the littles nap time so I could get a much needed shower.
Then, I was single, happy, and studying to be a Worship Leader.
Now, Im married, even happier, a mom to many, a photographer and an occasional worship leader.
Then, I was worried about my family and friends and was frantically trying to get in touch with them.
Now... I was sooooo happy when my phone stopped ringing.  (Then I discovered the baby had turned it off.. haha.)
Then, I had a sporty little neon... now I drive a sedan and happily am saving for a van!
Then, I went on dates and flirted way to much... now, I am super excited when I get an hour out with the hubs.
Then, I shopped a lot... for clothes and shoes and cute decorations. Now, I shop a lot... for groceries.

Life has changed soooo much since that fateful day, but some things havent.
God's Love.  Yup.  Same yesterday, today, and forever.
Love for my country.  I am so blessed to be born in the USA. 
And the feeling of loss and pain for those who were personally affected by this tragedy.  I cant put into words the way my heart aches for kids who lost parents, parents who lost kids... friends who will never get to have coffee together again.  Firefighters who paid the ultimate price and the list just goes on. 

I will ALWAYS remember that day.  Always.

And just for the record... burning the Koran isnt the answer.  And building a mosque so close to the site where muslim extremist ended thousands of lives is pretty much dead wrong.  Just saying and praying.

Less Than

Why do foster kids and adopted kids get looked at like they are "less than"?

Less than real family.

Less then real grandkids.

Just generally less than.

It sucks.  We have family who takes other memebrs children to do all sorts of things.  Buys them all sorts of things... all the time.  And I feel like its a chore to even ask if they will watch my kids.  Not even to take them anywhere...  just watch them.

My kids would love to be taken to the carnival... cause we cant afford it right now.

They would love some random presents... cause we cant do that for them.

My kids would LOOOOVE some extended family lovies... cause we are only mom and dad.

And its not like I expect anyone to buy them stuff or take them places.. but just to spend time with them.
And Mike and i havent had a date in... um.  Months.

Why do we always end up feeling like second best here?  I hate that.  We are doing what God has asked us. 

Ok... enough of the pity party.  I think Im just super stressed with the move.  Im excited, but there is so much to do and only me to do it.  And Im just tired.  And Mike is working a lot.
I could use a break... some help... something.  Lol! :o)

WAHOOOOOO

We have a house, we have a house, we have a house.. hey hey hey hey!!!

Priase JESUS!!!

We go to sign the lease tomorrow... and Im super excited!

Our new home is a very old house.  Its over 200 yrs old!  The house has 3 bedrooms, 1 bath (oh man), and we are respoible for about an acre, but it is surrounded by over 10 acres of farm land!  It is very private... you cant even see other houses from it, but it is close to stuff.  We are about 5 mins from Mikes parents, about 6 from my mom, and 15 from church.  :o)  The kids will actuallly be going to the school that Mike grew up going to, and all his siblings and his mom. 

We will be moving in the weekend of the 19th.  But starting to make small trips tomorrow.

The rent is so cheap and that just makes me feel at peace and like a burden is lifted from me!!

But moving is stressful... so keep us in prayer as we go through all this!!!

Thanks!!

MBM- Toothpaste?

Its amazing how much toothpaste 3 little girls can go through. (And toilet paper.. but thats a whole different post) And for some reason my girls twist the tube instead of rolling it up. No matter how many times you tell them and show them... they twist instead of roll. Oh... and dont get me started on how many times I have to clean up... or yell at them to clean up the globs they leave all over the counter. Seriously.


I saw an infomercial about this toothpaste thingee. And got a little giddy. No, seriously. You mount this sucker on the mirror in the bathroom, screw in your tube of choice, put the cover on it and voila! No more mess or wasted toothpaste. I was in heaven. They stick their brush in and pull it out with perfectly portioned amounts. Genius.


However... my frugal nature never lets me buy anything on tv becuase not only do they charge you a hefty shipping fee... there is that pesky nasty (and totally ridiculous) handleing fee. So I waited a bit and then about 2 weeks ago we were at target and I saw it in the "As Seen On Tv Section". Excitement overtook me! YES... I found it. My bathroom heaven! Except money was super tight (like always) and I just didnt feel like I could justify spending money on it. Ok, ok, ok... confession... I lied. I woulda bought that sucker right then and there for twice the amount to save my sanity, but my ever mindful of the budget hubby said no. Not now baby... I will get you one, but not this week. Poo on that.


I was drug walked away.


The other night, I sent the aformentioned party pooper of a hubby (ok, I know, not fair... but this is MY blog) down to the basement to get some gift bags for our J's birthday gifts and he was down their forever. So, being the nosy woman I am, I went down to nag see what he was doing.



He was looking through a couple of boxes of stuff my mom had given us when she moved out of her house.

What did he find??

MY Toothpaste thingee!!! YES!


Apparently my mom had bought it... decided she didnt like it and gave it to us. SWEET! :o)


I know its little and so silly... but it just blessed my socks off. I still smile when I see it. Then of course I frown at the splatters of who knows what all over the mirrow in front of the sink. Sigh... I just cleaned that!

Lol... Who knew girls could be so messy!?!?

So today I am putting a toothbrush in the memorial box. :o)

More House Stuff

House stuff again...

We looked at one last night that just isnt gonna work.  The big fail for this house?   The washer and dryer are in a basement that is NASTY!  I walked halfway down the steps and could smell the mustiness and moldiness... and I started sneezing.  I have a mild case of allergies to mold... Miss Madi has a pretty severe case of it.  If the basement did that to me an i didnt even go the whole way down... what would it do to MAdi!?!  Yea... not even gonna try and find out.

We also drove by another house... a farm house in the country.... and I am waiting a call back to schedule a time to see the inside.  I hope this one works becuase this will be the cheapest house we have looked at... and it makes my mind WHIRL with thoughts of saving and adoptions and visiting my dad (we havent seen him in about 4 yrs, and Madi has never meet him... he lives in Cali).  A rent this cheap makes me think about how quickly we could get out of debt, get our credit score up, and buy a house!!

I also got a call today from our caseworker and we had to come up with a backup plan in case we dont find a place.  I dont want to have to do that to the girls... they would have to go to another home. 

I know God has a plan and a place and a will for all of us... Im just trying to find it. 

Thanks for praying with us.  :o)

Lovin' Bible Time

So far... Madi and I's favorite subject is Bible!!  Madi LOVES the Bible... she loves learning about God... and we have a great book called My Heavenly Helper.. but we are going to need a new one soon.... she is flying through it!
I love it becuase not only do I get to teach her biblical prinicples and foundational truths... I also get to encourage her relationship with her Abba Father.  AND... I have discovered that it works to teach all types of skills!
We are memorizing Genesis 9:13- I have set a rainbow in the clouds and it will be a sign of my covenant between me and the earth.

So just by working on this... Madi is practicing memorization, spelling, handwriting, and vocabulary.
We learned what a covenant was... and also through our discussion, what Hope means.  She now can spell covenant and between and rainbow... and I had her write it on a peice of card stock super duper neatly to hang up in her room beside her bed.  :o)

Ahhh... yes, I was meant to be a homeschoolin' momma!!

Just because.... thats my sassy girl!

By George, I think She's Got It!

We have been homeschooling Miss Madi for 4 days now and I am so amazed at her!!!  Everyday so far, she has learned new concepts that last year completely stumped her.  It was like by the time she had gotten home from 7 hours of school she was so done with learning and using her brain that homework was always impossible.  Because she is fresh and getting it all one on one, those concepts are a breeze for her now!!

Plus, I think the medicine she is on right now is working so much better that the other stuff.



We have had some rotten attitudes from her and the oldest the past few days though.  J's 9th birthday was yesterday and their bio mom got her a TON of Tinkerbell stuff.  Madi LOVES Tinkerbell, and J has only recently started liking it.  Also, the oldest had a birthday a month and a half ago and their mom got her nothing. No cake.  No balloons.  No gifts.  Nothin.  When I asked her about it she said it was "whatever".  But she was mean and grumpy for more than a week after that.  Now... she is the same since J has gotten all her stuff. 

It makes me so sad.  We try to be very very fair with the girls.  We spend the same on them, celebrate the same... basically treat them all equally.  Even Madi.  Yea, she is adopted, but the other 2 are part of this family too.

We try to do everything we can... but sometimes its just not enough.  We are just praying for the wounded spirit I know she is carrying around.  For Jesus to just bind that up and heal it.

At church the kids all got a book by Brad Jersak http://www.bradjersak.com/ called Children, Can You Hear Me?.  It is such an amazing book that Mike and I had fell in love with before we had any kids.  Brad came to our church to help us learn how to teach our kids to pray... awesome.  Anyways... total God story here:
We had planned on going to our old church's family dinner that they do every few months... which is held in place of a church service.  The usually have a little bit of worship time and some prayer, then eat.  It was supposed to start at 11.  Mike wanted to skip going to our current church, Faith Alive... but I really felt like I wanted to so strongly... so we went.  At about 10:45, they dismissed the kids from worship time and we ducked out.  Miss Sue, our awesome kids teacher comes running out of the church and said, I cant let you leave without giving your kids this.  She gave each one of them the book and a CD of some prophetic worship and a few little lessons on it from some awesome local Godly people... geared towards kids.  Then she gave them a sheet of grey circles so that whenever someone hurts them, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever... they can take the circle (the hurt) and give it to Jesus.  (they put it in the back of the book). 
I just felt so blessed by this woman who cares about my babies that much that she chased after us to make sure that they got this super important stuff.  It also cemented the knowledge that this IS the right church for us.  We are absolutly in the right place.  YAY JESUS!!!

And we are waiting on a call from the person who is scheduling all the worship and speakers (we dont have a pastor or a worship team becuase of a major church issue a while ago) becuase he asked us to lead worship one Sunday in Sept!!!  Im super excited.  :o) We havent led since January.  Yikes!! haha!

Pondering...

I have been pondering 2 things...

1st one...a song by Rita Springer. 
The first line says "I dont understand your ways, oh but I will give you my song, give you all of my praise."
It goes on to say that I am desperatly seeking your face and it's all going to be worth it...no matter what.

I dont understand why God has us staying here.  I would think the best thing for the kids would be to in the school they are going to stay in.  But I dont understand His ways... so Im just going to praise Him and seek His face knowing that beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hope does NOT dissapoint and it is going to be worth it!!

The other thing was a quote I read... the gist of it goes somehing like this:
Life isnt full or periods, but rather commas.
Not sure what I think about that one.  What are your thoughts?  True.... not so much... or not so sure!?  :o)   Im definitly pondering that one!


Oh.. and Im working on a song... but feeling a little block.  Writing has never been easy for me... except when God gives it to me.... and I feel like He gave me a little and Im just waiting on the rest... cause nothing else seems to fit!  Miss Madi tried to help me today.  Oh my.  She is so cute... but it was so funny.  I wanted to share her lyrics:
(The "theme" of the song is about everyone being worth it becuase God made them.)
You are cute and nice.
God loves you.
I love you.
La la la deee da.
You rock and i want to be your friend.
La la la de dededede daa daaaaaAAAAA

Yup.  I love my kid.  She even made me write them down and put "the little letters above it"  (the chords).
I asked her to sing it to the camera and she got shy and ran away.  :o)

Back to school!

Pug was sad that her girls left!

Tink was waiting for her girls to come back and was talking to me telling me to bring them back!

This is what Madi picked out for herself to wear last night.  Uhhhh... no.

Breakfast @ School

Concentrating on Math

Mr. Daddy & Ms. Pug, the math teacher, & the teachers aide!

This was her final choice for an outfit.  Hey... at least it matched.

I told her to pose for me.. so she was like, wait..I need to think of a pose!

This was the very much thought about pose!

Going to school!!

More math... Monday and Tuesdays are math days cause Daddy is better with math than mommy.  :o)

FIRST DAY

1st day of 8th grade....

1st day of 4th grade....

1st day of 3rd grade HOMESCHOOL!


Mike and I got up bright and early to embarass see the oldest off to school.  She didnt want us to walk her to the bus, so I told her ok, but I need to take a picture of you before you leave.  Nerd left before I could snap any.  So... the "dogs had to go to the potty" and they just happened to have to go near the bus stop... and I just happened to have my camera.  :oD  LOVE IT.

So... the oldest one is gone.... the 4th grader is getting ready now, and my little homeschooler is sleeping away!  :o)  I will def post pics of Madi on her first day... but I cant post pics of the other two.  :o)

Musically Pink

I have been working so hard at promoting my Photography business... and I think I have to add a litte shameless self-promo here too...  haha!

I LOVE to take pictures.  I have loved it since I was a little kid and my aunt would let me use her old school big ol' camera with all the cool buttons and lenses.  Since those days, I have graduated to my own dslr with all the cool buttons and lenses... and I seem to be attached to it.  Its always with me!!

I am available all over the South Central PA area...and beyond!!

Right now, I am building my portfolio, so my photo shoots are super duper cheap!!

The deal is:

$50 bucks get you unlimited photo changes, unlimited time in the location of your choice!

1 8x10 printed of your choice

All your photos on a CD with the rights to make as many prints as you choose!!

(I also have very inexpensive print packages!)

This package is good for just about any type of photo shoot... except weddings, of course!!

For family shoots, if there is more than 3 kids, I will need to charge $10 extra per child for all those super fun and cute individual prints!

(We can work out a deal if you have a ton of extra kids..lol!)

If wedding bells are ringing for you, right now would be the BEST time to book me!

The Wedding Package

All day covereage, including pre-wedding, wedding, and reception.

All your photos on CD.

3 8x10s

A book of 50-100 proofs of the best of your photos.

An engagement photo shoot with all your photos on CD.

1 8x10

All for $500!!

(Add-ons available too!)

Here are a few of my fav captures!

More than an hour or so from Central PA?

NO PROBLEM!

Gather up a few friends, pick a weekend that works for everyone, and I will come to you!!!

More than 4 photo shoots (other than yours) and yours is FREE!!!

Seniors, maternity, newborn, family, birthday, sports, quinceanera, anniversary... and more.

Dont let the even the smallest event pass without capturing every moment.

Find me on:

FLICKR

http://www.flickr.com/photos/musicallypink/

FACEBOOK

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/York-PA/Musically-Pink-Photography/127505103935972?ref=sgm

BLOGSPOT

http://musicallypinkphotog.blogspot.com/

Sleepless in....

I have been struggling with sleep again.

I am sitting here almost noon and I cant get up becuase I am flat out exhausted.  I got about 4.5 hours last night.  The night before... I got a decent amount... but it was great sleep.  And before than... another maybe 5.

I hate when I get in a cycle like this.  Im snippy and snappy and usually feel sick to my stomach.  :o(
Praying the stomach ache goes away and that I can get tons of sleep tonight and tomorrow.

Still no house.... which is probably the reason for the lack of sleep. 

I need apositive note in here... so.... I love my BFF.  Really, I am so blessed by her so very very often!!

A Girl & Her Mimi

My mom and I have had our differences and have had stuggles in the past, but the love she has for me, Mike, and her one and only Forever grandchild tumps is all!

(I am an only child... so, as she puts it..."my only hope for 100 grandbabies"!!)

Best 8 bucks ever...

Madi has always loves to go to the car wash with her Mimi.  My mom makes up stories while in it about dancing girls in fringy skirts and flirty octupusses waving to the mermaids.  And it doesnt help that my mom is crazy and makes weird noises and voices and just generally could paint drying fun and exciting for a kid!

The last couple of times I have gone, its been alone or just with Madi... before that, everyone was in school.  So last night, I told Mike to stop and go through the wash because the car was nasty and the girls got excited... turns out the other 2 have never been through an automatic car wash!!!

Let me just say... that was THE BEST 8 Bucks I have ever spent.

They truly had a blast.  5 mins of wonder and laughter and lots of questions.

It really is the little things that get me as a foster parent.  Never having been through a car wash.  Never going out to a sit down resturaunt.  Never eating fresh fruit picked straight from a tree. 

We have really been trying to prepare these two for life outside of our home.

We have taught them to properly do dishes.
How to do laundry and get out stains.
The best way to dust and clean a floor.
How to fix things... how to change a light bulb (SAFELY)... how to live life.

We fully expect them to go back to a home where they may have to parent themselves and I hope (i hope i hope) that the skills we have taught them carry them safely through.
And the experiences they have had with us will show them what a family is.  And someday will be able to parent their children like we have parented them.

(This is how we choose to foster all of our kids.  This is the model and plan we have set up for every kid that comes here.  Teaching kids to SAFELY be self-sufficiant while be watched and cared for and monitered here... this is not just specific to our current kids!!)

Anxiety Buster

Thanks for the comments and love.

Still no house.. but we are waiting on another call and we are going to look at another one tomorrow.

We had a lot of amped up behaviors... I think its anxiety.  Im a pretty calm easy going person (though it may not seem like it on here.. but this is where I get rid of my anxiety... and how I destress.  Thinking about it... I probably come across totally nuerotic!! lol!) but this whole process has me super stressed and anxious myself.  Not only do I know that the kids pick up on my emotions, I think they are feeling all kids of emotions of their own!! They are totally living in the unknown right now.  They may be starting school in their old school, or they may be starting a new one.  They may miss their first day of school, or they may start one place and switch on another.  (Stresses me out just typing it!)



Today I had to take one of the kids to the dentist and had planned on going home afterwards and packing and cleaning.

Instead... we took the kids for a walk and ended up finding the PERFECT tree to climb!  It was so much fun.  Then... random puppy attack! lol!  My kids and cute dogs seem to attract each other like magnets!

Yea.

We didnt get the house.

Lots of broken promises....

And we are all very sad and disapointed and angry.

They changed their minds.... but Madi doesnt understand that.... I think she thought this woman was going to honor her promise to us.  Imagine that?

Ugh.

Maybe.... Probably.... YES?

SO... today we went to see the other house.  (I talked about a few blogs ago...)

Funny Story First....
I had written down the house number... 1258.  The landlady said this is a nice house, it just need a little work on the porch, but everything else is nice... and well kept, and that they have put a lot of work into the house.  So the other day the girls and I drove past it and were like, UGH!  It looked so junky and NOT nice.  But I wanted to keep an open mind... maybe the inside was gorgeous.
So today, we pulled up to 1258 and knocked on the door... and a VERY confunsed man comes out.  Uh... not the right house.  So... Mike and I were like.. hmm... maybe it was 1268 (yea, I have a bit of dyslexia).  We walked a few houses down to find a nice looking detached home that was clean and well kept.  OOPS... lol... and I am SO glad I did not judge and decide not to go see the house.

When we got to the right house, we were greeted by the landlords... a very very nice lady (who went to school with my mom... small world!!!) and her hubby.  They were nice and talkative... and they fell in love with Tink and Madi!!
This house is so cheap for us... and no security deposit.  Yea... none.  So pretty much, $850 to move in... insetad of $2,000 like we had expected to have to pay for other places!
So after talking it over with my mom and mikes parents, we decided to take it!
Now, we are just waiting on a call back from them.  We have been here before, havent we?  Oh man. 

I guess I should feel confident... we spent about an hour and half with this couple and they loved us and loved Madi.  All 3 girls were so well behaved and were polite and calm and I think that impressed them.  They told us that they werent even going to call anyone else or show it to anyone else until we called. 
So we called.  She hasnt called back.

I realllllly am trying NOT freak out.
She'll call.  WOnt she?
Oh man.
Im done.  Lol! :o)

Oh.. we will move in the essentials this coming weekend just in time for the girls to start school on Monday!! :o)

Inspirational Quotes & Sayings PLEASE! :o)

I  have been really trying to work on expanding my photography business. I have had this thing for a long time, but havent really tried to market it or even make it successful.  I always just did it for fun and family.  But I really feel like I need to do what I love and love what I do.  As money has been scarce for us, I know we need to have more coming in, so I feel like this is my way to contribute more... and enjoy it!!
Mike and I talked about doing some of the craft shows in the area... they usually are $10 for a stand and I would be able to sell framed photos as well as offer my info about my business. 

So... for my framed photos, I am taking my landscapes and flowers and other interesting photos and adding scriptures and inspirational sayings and then blowing the photos up!!  I have some of these in my home and LOVE them, and have had so many friends say they want them... so I am hoping these will be something that sells well!

Anyways... I need more inspirational sayings and your favorite scriptures!!  I have a bunch, but I want something different... unusual ones.  One of my favorite quotes so far is:

"If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped."



-- Evelyn Underhill

Send me MORE MORE MORE!!  Lol... I need lots! :o)
 

Just a few of my photos that I am looking to add too and sell!!!

Oh... and sometimes song lyrics have been cool with the photos... but I want to bless people... I want to be a witness with my business, so I am looking for things about God and words that point our hearts towards Him! :o)

All about a baby...

I follow a blog that continually challenges, encourages, and strengthens my walk with God.
http://hishandshisfeettoday.blogspot.com/

This is a homeschooling family with 10 kids..... 11 as of a month ago.  And all of them are adopted.  ALLLLLL of them. The mom is amazing.  Her walk with Jesus is so close... you cant tell where He stops and she starts.  Seriously. 

I am so glad I found this blog.  God has used this woman and her family to show me so many things! 

Recently, they adopted Selah Hope.  She was born with Hydranencephaly which basically means she only has a partial brain, or none at all.  This baby was concieved out a horrible circumstance, yet was carried joyfully by her birth mom so she could be given life.  The doctors and nurse in the hospital when she was born basically marked her as a donor child becuase she probably wouldnt live.  They didnt deem her worth enough to hold or feed her properly.  But her momma fought for her.  She was her advocate... her fighter and her champion.

Like God is to us... and especially to the least of these.  To the ones man deems "less than".  Not equal to the rest of "us".

Selah was definitly man's definition of "less than".   To man, she will probably never amount to anything.  Never have an impact... but God has such a CRAZY plan for this sweet baby.  She has already affected so many peoples live... including mine!!!

Doctors probably say she has no feelings or emotions, yet she smiles when scripture is read to her and when Life is spoken over her. 

She may live only a short time here on earth, but she will change the world. 

And yet... with God... she may life a long full life.  I truly and honestly beleive God can heal her brain.  GROW her brain!! Whether He does that here or on earth is up to Him, and while I may not understand it... I know He has an incredible plan for her life.

Already her birth mom and siblings have accepted Jesus as their savior... and have gotten filled with the Holy Spirit!!!  When I read that, I just cried... it's amazing.  A baby doctors deemed WORTHLESS, has already shown her worth 1,000 times!!

God rocks.  Seriously.  :o)

Selah's story has inspired me to write a song.  Eh... my song writing skills arent that great... and no one may ever hear it but me and Jesus... but thats ok!!!

Creeping....

The first day of school has been steadily creeping up on us.  In our neck of the woods, its right around August 30th for most schools.  Yea... less than 2 weeks. 

Ok... so  its kinda not creeping so much now, but STOMPING!!!

(This is me freaking out.... no seriously.... I just did, lol!)


We got out papers for the girls for the school district we are currently in, making me feel a little sad that they wont get to experience another year in this truly amazing district.  Seriously... its one of the best in all of our state!


Right now we have 2 homes we will take if they pick us.  They both have plus and minus', but one plus for both is price.  They are both very afforable... one more being more so.
The cheaper of the two is a little more in the city, but still a great school, and the more expensive is in a wonderful neighborhood, with a good school.

God knows.  Both are available Sept. 1st. 

So we are now just waiting.  :o)

And packing.  Whew.  Yesterday, Mike and I, with the kids help here and there, packed up our bedroom, minus the closet.  That was sucha  load off my mind... just to get one big project done!!  And I am so thankful the kids are so helpful.  They made dumpster runs, basement runs, and wrapped valuables in newspaper.  They also dust items before I pack them and vacuum and have helped clean any random thing I ask.  I am blessed by them!

Today, for instance, I had a massive headache all day... so the oldest made breakfast for the girls, and then helped me by doing all the dishes and cleaning the kitchen.  Since we weregone almost all weekend, we had TONS of laundry, and after teaching the oldest how to measure soap and whatnot, they even took over the lauundry! 

Made this momma's heart proud. 


(Oh... if you all could pray for us... we need some kind of financial miracle this week... we are down to $20 in our account and no money in sight for over a week.  Sigh.  Cant wait until our rent is actually afforable!!!)

Goal in Sight!!

Im a big girl... always have been... and probably always will be kinda big.  Im ok with it though... I have a hubby who loves me and like me just the way I am, and I know I love by the King of Kings... so its all good! :o)

I also have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian sydrome), RA (rhuematoid arthiritis), and was at one point in my life, diabetic.  But these things dont have me... I am determind to live my life out loud for Jesus... to run and jump with my kids, and even one day to have a biological child. 

When Mike and I got married 5 and half years ago, I was at my heaviest (see, he really does love me for me)... almost 300 lbs.  (Gasp... I know... wow... its still hard for me to admit that!) About a month before the wedding I realized how heavy I was and became determined to change my life.  So I began to lose weight and in about a year I lost about 60 lbs.  I was so proud of myself!!  I did it by simpy making better choices.  Drinking water a lot, no butter on the veggies, walking around more... etc.  Just little changes that added up.  Then I was diagnosed with diabetes at the same time I found out I was pregnant with our first bean.  I lost the bean... and was put on a low carb diet with insulin shots and metformin. 

What is the best thing you can do for diabetes and PCOS?  Lose wieght.  Did I?  NO... I ballooned back up... I gained 40 of the 60 lbs back very quickly.  After being on that regiment for about a year, I couldnt take it.  I was following the diet so strickly and sticking myself millions of times and taking pills that made me feel gross... and gaining weight.  So, against doctors orders (but seriously, thats not smart), I took my self off the diet and all meds.  And began very slowly losing weight.  In the last 3 years, I lost that 40lb again... plus more. :o)  GO me!

I set a goal for myself about 3 yrs ago when I stopped with the meds of getting to 200 lbs.  That to me was a magical number.  Maybe if I get there I will get pregnant and keep the baby... maybe my PCOS will cease to bother me.  And now that I have the RA diagnosis, I know that wight loss helps joints too, so its all win-win!

Part of having PCOS is having a hard time losing weight.  My metabolism doesnt work right... my whole endocrine system is out of whack.  So I can lose a few lbs and then get "stuck", and I have been stuck at 220-225 for amost 7 or 8 months.  A few weeks ago, I weighed myself... and to my suprise I weighed 216... my lowest since high school!!! 

This got me motivated!  The 200 mark was now in sight.  I began to watch my food even more and trying to excercise more... with the kids, and even on my own.  Today, I was going to go on a bike ride with the girls, but even they thought it was too hot, so I decided to dust off the Wii Fit and get to work!
If you havent had a chance to do a work out on this thing... you should!!  Its fun!  At the beginning the weigh you and tell you your BMI.  To my utter suprise... I weighed myself and came in at 210!!!!!!

210!

WOw!!  Thats sooooo close! I am so super close!  YAY ME! I honestly cant wait for my next docs appt (its been almost a year) to show off my weight loss.  And to kinda stick it in my docs face... haha.. I CAN do it!  Oh... thats not nice.  lol!

I spent an hour on the Wii... and I was feeling it.  Whew!  Im proud of my self.  Its been a long road, and I have been stuck at so many different times, it feels so good to be this close. 

I know that we are closer than even to having a bio child.  We want to adopt many more kiddos, but its a dream and desire of Mike and I's to have just one bio child.  To experience pregnancy, and child birth, the baby shower, the maternity clothes, the OBGYN appts... hearing our babies heart beat for the first time.  Holding that new new life.  I look at Madi some days and wonder what her sweet face looked like as a newborn, as a toddler, as a preschooler.  I hold her in my arms and wish for just a min that I could shrink her and she what she felt like as a baby.  And Madi wants a baby so bad.  She wants to "see mommy's tummy grow, and hold the baby, and help name it, and help feed it".  She loves to help me with the respite kids we get!!  She changes pee diapers a lot... and would probably change a poopy one if I would let her!!

Not only that... but I am healthier.  I am going to be around longer for my kids and have a better quality of life too.  Getting to this point has helped me see that I need to do even more for my health... including going to more regular doc visits and things.  So I am.  I am going to do even more to be healthy!!! :o)

Memorial Box Monday...err... Tuesday

There is a woman whose blog I eagerly read daily... Linny over @ http://www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ shares every monday a great thing that God has done for her and her family.  She calls it "Memorial Box Monday".  Check out her blog for more info and the scripture behind it. (Its cool... read it).

As I was ready her post for yesterday (funny... 8/9/10), I felt that i have nothing to share.  Nothing to write... nothing came to mind.  Nothing.

Then I felt like God was saying, Dana, so many things.  SO many.  Write about my faithfulness even when you dont "feel" it.  Tell about how good I have been to you even if you dont feel I am being good to you now.
Of course... I silently protested... God, I dont feel your being bad to me.  And then I felt that He was saying that I dont feel He is treating me poorly... but rather just simply not blessing me... not "being good to me".  Yea.  Wow... the God of creation who adores me.  Who treasures me.  Who is sooooo much better than any earthly could ever ever ever be.  The ONE is not being good to me?  Wow Dana.  REally?
Lets LIST His goodness.

1. I have a hubby who strives to be the best hubby he can be.  He truly truly loves me.
2. I have a gorgeous little girl who is teaching me so much every day and who loves me with everything in her.
3. We have a home. A nice one, with AC, and internet and cable. 
4. My family is wonderful... in laws included!! 
5. I live in the USA and am Free.

And thats just the tangible stuff. 

I am blessed.  So I am doing a memorial box post today.
I just cant seem to think of anything.  Really.  This ole mind is blank!


Ok... I think I have one.
This past December, all Madi wanted was to be adopted by Christmas. We found out that her siblings were going to be adopted on Dec 18th, but becuase it was our first adoption (and the other families had all adopted before) our stuff wasnt finished yet.  A week before the adoption we were disappointed, but ok becuase we knew it would happen eventually.... then the adoption worker for the county called on Tuesday and said "I pulled a few strings and got you an adoption date of Dec. 18th... which is Friday.  Are you ready?"  We were thrilled!!  Truly God answered Madi's prayers.  She was adopted at the same place, same court room, same day, almost the same time as her siblings.  End of one book, start of a new for her. 
So in our memorial box... which we dont have yet, I am going to put in her Hershey Chocolate Bar cover... our sweet agency had them printed with her new name and adoption date.  So cute!

I think I have realized that I rely on myself to much to make things happen.  I think sometimes I dont let God move, I just do it.  And maybe I dont see God working in the background becuase I choose not to let Him. 

So its time to let God move.  Its time to pray specificaly for things and expect them to happen.  To wait for Him to move... to provide... to make happen.

YAY GOD!

"Lord, I crawled across the bareness to you with my empty cup, uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I'd known you better I'd have come running with a bucket."  Nancy Speigleberg

Wow.  Let that sink in.  I did.  It haunted me (in a reeeeeally god way) all last night and today. 
Then at church, the man preaching talked about being thirsty and how He is gonna fill up to OVERFLOWING the thirsty. 

Yes.  God.  Fill up this bucket... Im RUNNING through the desert with my bucket.

Then... my girls laid hands on a woman with MS.  No, she didnt get up out of her chair, but her HEART was touched by my girls.  People in the church were TOUCHED by these girls.   I think becuase my 8 and 9 yr old were obiedent and stepped out in faith, the faith of a church was boosted!! 

Oh... the name of our church... Faith Alive.

I think today that Faith did come Alive!!!  People were on the floor while the Holy Spirit was just wrecking them. Changing them... healing them!!

YAY GOD!

Seriously.... YAY GOD!!!!!

Whew... Whatta Week

Whew... whatta week!!




Still havent heard about the house... so I have begun to look for another.



My BFF's kids, Josiah and Candace just left... they were here since Saturday.

I love (LOVE) this family. :o)

Usually, Mike has off on Sundays, but he has to work tomorrow so he can have of next Saturday (YAY) for a party we were invited too, so tomorrow the girls and I are going to church ourselves!! And I have to say, I am actually excited to go to church. I havent truly been able to say that in a while... and I didnt even realize it. I was going to church because I "had" too. Its what good christians do... so I did it. BEfore that, even when we were leading worship I went because I had to. I wasnt enjoying it. I was just doing a duty. God has really been dealing with me, and I actually have a fire and a desire to hear the Word, to worship with fellow Christians, and to have fellowship with people... even if I dont know them. So, tomorrow is gonna be a GOOD day, even if Mike has to work!!