Seeing Them Again...

Its been 11 months, almost to the day that we last saw Bubba and Dee Dee. 
11 monts since we saw his silly smile with his tongue sticking out.
11 months since we heard her silly little girl giggle.
11 months since we got hugs.  And love.  And gave them all we had.

Tomorrow... we will see them for the first time in 11 months.  I cant sleep.  What will it be like to see the boy who was my son.  What if he doesnt recognize me... or remember me?  He was only 2.  What will it be like to hear him call another woman momma?  Even a good wonderful woman like the one he lives with now?
What will it be like for Mike to see his little girl... the second apple of his eye now.  They told us she has grown a LOT!  Thats shes even bigger than Madi.  How will he feel when she calls the man she lives with Daddy and not Mike?

Bubba came back into foster care this spring.  The county wanted him with his sister, so he went with them.  They are good, good people.  We actually like them alot.  In fact, the reason we get to see them is becuase they are doing a respite for Jay and Kiki this weekend. 

But my gut clenches at the thought of seeing the kids.

I truly truly believed we would get to adopt bubba.  I knew Dee Dee was gone from us and I was ok with that.  Dee Dee and Mike and really bonded way more than her and I had... and Bubba was my boy.  We  were together everyday all day and he was an awesome awesome kid.  For the months that he was here, he was my son.  Madi's brother.  Madi still thinks of Bubba as her brother... and even to an extent, Dee as her sister.

His new family said he is talking in sentences.... wow!  And Dee has gone from a size 4t to an 8!!  I cant imagine.  I do really want to see them, but I am so scared.  It will be so hard if Bubba doesnt remember me. 

When they left us, I really really really questioned why we were doing this.  If we could still keep doing it. I was heart sick over losing Bubba... but in the end, he belongs to his Abba Father anyway... so I just had to give bubba to God.

Pray for all of us tomorrow... I think it will be a bit of an emotional day.

(If you werent following me a year ago... Dee Dee and Bubba were 6 and 2 and were out foster kids for about 4 months.  Bubba was sent back home to his parents for a few months and becuase of certain things that happened, Dee Dee was moved to another foster home).