Yea. So I think I am sick. Yup. Pretty sure. I think I have full blown baby fever. Its bad. Its all I think of! I dream of babies, I cry over baby commercials, I think I am pregnant all the time... but never am. I feel like life is not complete. I really try to be happy for people I know who get pregnant, but the jealousy eats me up. It stinks!!!
I know a lot of you wonderful ladies who read my blog are adoptive moms and really advocate for that... but Im going to ask for a prayerful opinion.
We have two choices right now. Domestic baby adoption or infertility treatments. Before we go any further... this isnt choosing once and for all which one we will do and its like one or the other... no, its more which one to do now... which one to save for 2 or 3 years. Im 28.. I have time!
With infertility treatments.... we would not do ANYthing invasive. Im talking about progesterone, metformin and MAYBE clomid. Thats it. No IFV, nothing expensive and crazy. That money could go towards an adoption. My drawback with this option is that we have ben through 4 miscarriages. Im at a place where I dont think I can handle another one. Im VERY scared of losing another dream. Its getting better. I am getting better with it. Becoming more trusting again... but I dont know that I could handle going through that gut wrenching pain again... yet.
With adoption... its just downright expensive. Not to God of course... but for us. And I really do trust Him... but I think it needs to be His timing. And thats what we are trying to figure out... is it His timing?? And there are other issues... like the momma changing her mind, etc. And it can be a long process... to be picked, to get the homestudy, waiting waiting waiting!
We are just praying HARD to make the right choice. Its not an easy one... but we are more than ready for a baby. My heart aches for a baby... and we are NOT going to stop doing foster care and we would still absolutely adopt an older kid... but I want a baby for a million and one reasons!
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Oh friend I hear your aching heart....I will prayer for God to give you and your hubby peace in which way He wants you to walk but I'm pretty sure He would bless either place you put your feet. :)
ReplyDeleteJust a thought...have you ever thought about embryo adoption? It's still expensive but you'd be carrying the baby in your womb. Not sure of the logistics of it all but maybe you could google it and just research it a bit?! My favorite site is Nightlight.org. There are lots of blogs of mommas that adopted the embryos out there too. Just a thought....
Praying for you!!
Much love!
Lisa
Wow Dana, what a hard question. I am assuming you have been doing a lot of praying and I pray God will speak clearly so He can lead.
ReplyDeleteHas the doctor said why all the miscarriages? If it is explainable and fixable I think I would go for the fertlity treatment. Even if they do not know why and the doctors seem to not know why, I think I might try anyway if they think it is OK.
Domestic adoption in expensive but also well worth it. Have you considered adopting a non-white baby? Unfortunately due to racism not as many people want them, so it ends up being cheaper (and oh so cute).
I'll be praying God shows you clearly and that you have peace with it.