Heat Stroke??

Its been awhile since I have had the energy or even the motivation to write a real post.   Last week on Wednesday morning Madi, Mike and I went to the beach with his parents and sister.  I woke up on Tuesday feeling very stuffy and icky and kept praying it was just some random allergies.  By Wednesday morning, I knew this wasnt allergies.  I was coming down with a full on head cold.  But I was determined to have a good time at the beach. So during the day... I took medicine and kept a box of tissues with me and put on my brave "mommy feels fine" face.  At night though... I was miserable.  When the cold went to my chest, the pain every time I coughed was intense.  Oh, and gotta love having a fever while walking on the beach! 

But... being sick at the beach is better than being at home!! :o)

Since coming hone on friday night, I have felt better, but still so run down and still dealing with the cough and the runny nose.  I think the worst part is the cough.. it keeps me up sometimes.. and keeps mike up too.  I havent been able to go for bike rides with the kids becuase any exertion makes my lungs feel super tight and then: coughing spree insues!  :o(  Even running up the steps makes me cough like crazy.  At first it was a nice excuse to be lazy... but that lasted like 5 seconds... there is too much to do around here to be lazy.

But lazy is how I have found myself acting lately.  I am feeling depressed... sullen, and kinda angry alot.  And alone.  I get up, send the kids to school, and then I am alone till the get home.  And by the time they get home, the aloneness and my lack of motivation, and the state of the house make me angry, so I get angry with the kids.

And the kids.... oh my.  Mikes new schedule has only been in affect for 3 days and already each of them has exhibited their apperant dislike for it in different ways.  Madi has turned into a mean little girl who is back to doing what she wants when she wants it.  She decided this morning to wake Jay up by knocking on the wall between their beds.  When I asked why, she said because she wanted to.  And she didnt care that it woke Jay up... she just wanted to.  She has also been "forgetting" her homework... and I think it has to do with wanting more attention.... since 3 kids now only have 1 parent to get attention from.

Jay has withdrawn in the last 3 days.. and has begun whispering all the time again.  She doesnt talk to you, she whispers.  Its sooo frustrating becuase I want to hear what she has to say, but I cant understand her.  She did this alot when she first come to us.

And Kiki.  OH. MY.  I was feeling so proud of her lately... she hasnt been grumpy or nasty... she has been more helpful around the house, and has just generally been nicer and more pleasant.  But not since Wednesday.  Oh my goodness.. she has been grumpy and mean, and she has not been very helpful.  Yay.

Im full of joy today, huh?  Sorry... but summer break will be here soon.. and that makes me happy.  I like summer break.. time with my kids, pool side lunches, cool mornings by the pool, ice cream, fresh fruit, and lots of dinners on the grill!!! 

I know it seems like a point I touch on a lot... but I am still really praying for more kids.  Kiki and Jay will go soon... and I know I am meant to be a momma to more than one kid... and Madi thrives on being a part of a sibling group.  So I am praying for Bubba... maybe he will come back and fill some of that void... or maybe even that child that I posted about a few days ago will be our next family member... though I doubt it.  Her case is so severe.. it honestly scares me some.  Ok.. a lot!  We are still praying about her though!!  I just want a baby... I miss having a little one around. :o)

All that.. all that feeling... I just needed to express it.  I needed to get it out.  I have joy... I love my life.  I love Jesus and He is so amazing.  What He has done for me and continues to do just rocks.  I believe some of this is feeling is hormonal or chemical.  Depression is poo...and I cant pray it away.  In the midst of feeling this way, I do have a sense of joy and peace in knowing Jesus.  So please dont think I am a depressed weak person... I am Christian.  A Christian who is going through a lot.  A person who loves Jesus, yet who has an empty place.  A place of compassion... a place for more orphans.

Jesus says: “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” John 14:18  So its clear He wants the orphans to be rescued.  Its His heart... and I asked for His heart. 

I dunno.  Wow.. this has been a crazy all over the place post... sorry.  :o)  I needed to write it... I needed to get it out.  So if it doesnt make much sense... just assume this momma's brain has been fried in the heat wave we have been experiencing the last few days.  Yup.. thats it.  Heat stroke!  Haha.. cant wait till the pool is opened!