Just wanted to say Happy Memorial day to everyone.. what a day. I got a chance to explain the day to the girls... and we listened to "Proud to be an American"... yea, oldy, but I suppose, a goody. Madi really enjoyed learning about the day and then listening to the song becuase Papal (my mom's dad who passed away in October) served in WW2 and she really loved Papal and misses him tons. She said that she felt like when we sang that song we were honoring (big word... thanks to childrens church... they know what that word means!) Papal and all he did for us, and she said we were honoring God too. When I asked her how we were honoring God... she couldnt put it into words, but I think she got it.
I was sad... I couldnt find the flags to put out. We have mini flags to line the sidewalk, and also a cute star wreath that is red white and blue. But I moved them this winter, and I couldnt find them. :o(
Ah well.. we remember those who served and who are serving even without the flags!!
We had a BUSY BUSY weekend!! Saturday we went to Mimi's birthday party at my grandmas and had a ton of fun. The girls played outside all day.. the street outside my grandmas was COVERED in chalk! haha! :o)
Sunday, we went to Virginia to my best friends house to celebrate her daughters 1st birthday... it was so fun... but SOOOOO hot! lol!! I enjoyed being a part of that big day. Being a part of their lives... ROCKS!!!!
Then today Mike had to work (poo.. but yay for holiday pay, PLUS overtime), so I took the girls to the pool, in between storms! We had fun and all the kids CRASHED early tonight.
It was a great weekend and I loved the time we got to spend with the kids. We have some great leads on houses... all in our price range, and some with 4 bedrooms!! Woot woot!! I know God has something great for us, and I cant wait to find it!!
Ok.. time to go... I am going to snuggle up with my honey and watch a movie!! :o)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
MED CHECK!
Haha.. we need a med check in this family. For Madi, for Jay, and yup... for me! Oh my. Last night had moments of fun... but others long spells of tantrums. Even one from Jay. (Jay does really need some meds, but we are waiting for a super slow system to agree for her to get an eval for ADHD).
Some of Madi's tantrums lately are stemming from an intense fear of spiders. Its that time of year. We have spiders in the basement sometimes... and the kids go down stairs to the basement to go out and play. But instead of freaking out like most kids who are afraid, she screams and yells, and hits, and kicks, and demands you kill it now. Before you even have a chance to react to it, she is kicking and hitting. YEsterday I was sitting on the couch blogging while Jay finished her reading homework and Madi went to go downstairs and all of sudden, she screams and launches herself on me, landing on the laptop and hitting me in the mouth. She is yelling, kill it, kill it and screaming sooooo loud, I know you can hear it outside, even with the windows closed. I try to calm her down and have her get off of me so I can go kill it, but as soon as I try to move she thinks I am going to make her to go to the spider and she starts kicking and flailing her arms, result in more bruises on momma, and a cut on my hand.
It is so overwhelming.
It breaks my heart... yet makes me so angry. Yea, even angry at her sometimes. We arent talking abot tarantulas or black widows. These puppys are daddy long leggers, or even just plain ole little ones like Charlotte. I try to be understanding, but its so hard when your shins and knees are bruised... that kid can kick!!!
Sigh.
On to a positive thing: today we are going to my grandmas house to celebrate Memorial Day and my mom's birthday. The kids call my mom Mimi.
I know we will have fun... I am going to set up a sprinkler, and she loves on a street that isnt busy at all in a small devolpment, so the kids can play soccer in the street.
And tomorrow... we are headed to VA to my best friends house. Its her adorable daughters 1st birthday party!!! This is the first time we will be able to celebrate birthdays with them... they are the ones who lived in Illinois. I am so blessed that God moved them closer. Instead of like 16 hours, its only 2. YAY! :o)
Some of Madi's tantrums lately are stemming from an intense fear of spiders. Its that time of year. We have spiders in the basement sometimes... and the kids go down stairs to the basement to go out and play. But instead of freaking out like most kids who are afraid, she screams and yells, and hits, and kicks, and demands you kill it now. Before you even have a chance to react to it, she is kicking and hitting. YEsterday I was sitting on the couch blogging while Jay finished her reading homework and Madi went to go downstairs and all of sudden, she screams and launches herself on me, landing on the laptop and hitting me in the mouth. She is yelling, kill it, kill it and screaming sooooo loud, I know you can hear it outside, even with the windows closed. I try to calm her down and have her get off of me so I can go kill it, but as soon as I try to move she thinks I am going to make her to go to the spider and she starts kicking and flailing her arms, result in more bruises on momma, and a cut on my hand.
It is so overwhelming.
It breaks my heart... yet makes me so angry. Yea, even angry at her sometimes. We arent talking abot tarantulas or black widows. These puppys are daddy long leggers, or even just plain ole little ones like Charlotte. I try to be understanding, but its so hard when your shins and knees are bruised... that kid can kick!!!
Sigh.
On to a positive thing: today we are going to my grandmas house to celebrate Memorial Day and my mom's birthday. The kids call my mom Mimi.
I know we will have fun... I am going to set up a sprinkler, and she loves on a street that isnt busy at all in a small devolpment, so the kids can play soccer in the street.
And tomorrow... we are headed to VA to my best friends house. Its her adorable daughters 1st birthday party!!! This is the first time we will be able to celebrate birthdays with them... they are the ones who lived in Illinois. I am so blessed that God moved them closer. Instead of like 16 hours, its only 2. YAY! :o)
Friday, May 28, 2010
Back to Normal?
It seems that we are back to "normal". This morning, I went to get Madi up and she was awake already... and in her bed... not playing with anything. YAY! :o) Momma was proud!
Friday and Saturday nights are the worst part of Mikes new schedule! Instead of doing something on those nights, like we used to, he works. But tonight I have decided to make it a fun night even without the big Poppa.
We are going to make homemade french bread pizza, play outside, maybe do a craft and watch a movie.
Ok... maybe scratch all that. After I typed that sentence Madi freaked out. I just got cut, scratched and kicked.
I dont know how much more of this I can take. Wow.
Friday and Saturday nights are the worst part of Mikes new schedule! Instead of doing something on those nights, like we used to, he works. But tonight I have decided to make it a fun night even without the big Poppa.
We are going to make homemade french bread pizza, play outside, maybe do a craft and watch a movie.
Ok... maybe scratch all that. After I typed that sentence Madi freaked out. I just got cut, scratched and kicked.
I dont know how much more of this I can take. Wow.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Needing some advice...
I need some advice...
I love my mom. She has done some really great stuff for us and has been there through some rough times, but she is cronically late. Not just a little late. Like, late enough to miss stuff.
I even tell her the time to be somewhere is 1/2 earlier than neccessary, and she is still late. Like today. I am waiting for her to take the kids to ballet so I can go to an audition. I asked her to be here at 5. It takes her about 30 mins to get from her house to mine. She just called and said she just left. Its 5:10.
When we dedicated Madi her lateness made my aunt and grandma and her miss the actual dedication.
Its already gotten old. I am so frustrated, but I feel as though I need to be sensitive because my mom is dealing with A LOT. I want to have grace, but I am feeling like I cant rely on her anymore. Should I tell her to be somewhere an hour early??!?!?!?!
I have expressed to her that I am frustrated and she always has an excuse.
I want to be Jesus with skin on to her, but sometimes her being late makes me or the kids late.
I need some advice. Cause I do love my mom... a lot.
I love my mom. She has done some really great stuff for us and has been there through some rough times, but she is cronically late. Not just a little late. Like, late enough to miss stuff.
I even tell her the time to be somewhere is 1/2 earlier than neccessary, and she is still late. Like today. I am waiting for her to take the kids to ballet so I can go to an audition. I asked her to be here at 5. It takes her about 30 mins to get from her house to mine. She just called and said she just left. Its 5:10.
When we dedicated Madi her lateness made my aunt and grandma and her miss the actual dedication.
Its already gotten old. I am so frustrated, but I feel as though I need to be sensitive because my mom is dealing with A LOT. I want to have grace, but I am feeling like I cant rely on her anymore. Should I tell her to be somewhere an hour early??!?!?!?!
I have expressed to her that I am frustrated and she always has an excuse.
I want to be Jesus with skin on to her, but sometimes her being late makes me or the kids late.
I need some advice. Cause I do love my mom... a lot.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
WHat a day...
So this afternoon I started this post talking abot how I felt better after some prayer, a nap, and the frosting of like a gajillion mini cupcakes. I was talking about how I was all ready to have a great afternoon with Madi, when the roof caved in. Madi and I had THE worst afternoon/evening together in a long long long time. If you've been following for awhile, you might remember how I was at my wits end with her this summmer/fall. Today was a day that made me feel like I did back then. It was a mess. She was a mess... and I actually lost it and was a mess too.
We didnt go to gymnastics, we didnt have a whole lot of fun, and it didnt feel much like a birthday till about 8:15 pm.
When everyone finially calmed down... including this emotional momma, we did eat cupcakes and opened presents and daddy even got out the silly string. We took some pictures and even laughed a bit.
As I sat in my self induced timeout, allowing the cool dark air of our bedroom to spread over me, I just asked,God why is she doing this? What is making her resort to these behaviors I thought we had conquered?
I didnt get a light bulb, or a big booming voice... but as I laid on my bed crying, I remembered reading about how birthdays and holidays are big triggers for kids who have been abused. Or neglected. Or adopted. Madi was all three. I think that this day made her miss her bio-siblings. It probably made her think about past birthdays... and who knows what happened to her on those days. It probably made her miss her bio-parents. Maybe even made her miss her other foster family. There was a lot to miss. A lot to mourn and grieve, and a little kid who just doesnt know how to do that.
Even so... understand what she is feeling... understand what is possibly making her act so crazy... doesnt seem to make dealing with it any easier.
I think its really hard becuase I know how awesome she is. I know how sweet and tender she can be. I know how she wants to be good... how she wants to do what the Bible says. I know that personality that can make the sun shine of the rainiest of days. Today I missed my little girl. Today it felt like some crazy bad screaming monster was dressed as my daughter.
Hopefully tomorrow my little girl will be back. My 9 year old girl. Wow. 9. Its hard to beleive... especially since she looks 5 or 6!!
We didnt go to gymnastics, we didnt have a whole lot of fun, and it didnt feel much like a birthday till about 8:15 pm.
When everyone finially calmed down... including this emotional momma, we did eat cupcakes and opened presents and daddy even got out the silly string. We took some pictures and even laughed a bit.
As I sat in my self induced timeout, allowing the cool dark air of our bedroom to spread over me, I just asked,God why is she doing this? What is making her resort to these behaviors I thought we had conquered?
I didnt get a light bulb, or a big booming voice... but as I laid on my bed crying, I remembered reading about how birthdays and holidays are big triggers for kids who have been abused. Or neglected. Or adopted. Madi was all three. I think that this day made her miss her bio-siblings. It probably made her think about past birthdays... and who knows what happened to her on those days. It probably made her miss her bio-parents. Maybe even made her miss her other foster family. There was a lot to miss. A lot to mourn and grieve, and a little kid who just doesnt know how to do that.
Even so... understand what she is feeling... understand what is possibly making her act so crazy... doesnt seem to make dealing with it any easier.
I think its really hard becuase I know how awesome she is. I know how sweet and tender she can be. I know how she wants to be good... how she wants to do what the Bible says. I know that personality that can make the sun shine of the rainiest of days. Today I missed my little girl. Today it felt like some crazy bad screaming monster was dressed as my daughter.
Hopefully tomorrow my little girl will be back. My 9 year old girl. Wow. 9. Its hard to beleive... especially since she looks 5 or 6!!
Birthday No-Go
Last night, Mike and I spent a huge chunk of time... our quiet together time, making tons of cupcakes for Madi to have at school and gymnastics, and then we decorated the whole kitchen/dining room in a tropical, hawaian-y, beachy theme. It looks so cute and festive (yea, and tacky... but she's 9, so it was definetly up her alley).
So, needless to say, I was super excited to sneak into Madi's room and sit on her bed and say "Wake up birthday girl!" TO give her a big hug and wish her lots of love and tell her how much she rocks! Then pick out some clothes and do something special to her hair.
SIGH. Didnt happen. Bubble burst.
I went to sneak in quietly.... but instead of seeing a peaceful sleeping princess, someone was out of bed and playing with her night light. Gr. We have one rule for the mornings, born out neccessity, you stay in bed and try to go back to sleep until Momma gets you up. This rule came about when Madi would get up very early and start getting into things in the bathroom (like cleaning supplies... ack!!!).
I dont know why, but it made me so angry. I went into my bathroom and just cried. I was so sad... I really wanted to surprise her and make it a morning to remember. I was disappointed. I was let down. Stinkin adhd. Stinkin stinkin stinkin.
Well... Happy Birthday Madi. :o/
So, needless to say, I was super excited to sneak into Madi's room and sit on her bed and say "Wake up birthday girl!" TO give her a big hug and wish her lots of love and tell her how much she rocks! Then pick out some clothes and do something special to her hair.
SIGH. Didnt happen. Bubble burst.
I went to sneak in quietly.... but instead of seeing a peaceful sleeping princess, someone was out of bed and playing with her night light. Gr. We have one rule for the mornings, born out neccessity, you stay in bed and try to go back to sleep until Momma gets you up. This rule came about when Madi would get up very early and start getting into things in the bathroom (like cleaning supplies... ack!!!).
I dont know why, but it made me so angry. I went into my bathroom and just cried. I was so sad... I really wanted to surprise her and make it a morning to remember. I was disappointed. I was let down. Stinkin adhd. Stinkin stinkin stinkin.
Well... Happy Birthday Madi. :o/
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Ugh. :o)
Well... we are moving again. Ugh. I. HATE. MOVING. Yeah. But, our lease is up and the bottom line is this place is just 2 expensive for us, and we have no yard. :o( Its a "Luxury" community and therefor more expensive than your average 3 bedroom townhome. We have a pool and a gym and its a nice nice neighborhood. I think (no... I know) that we can find a 3 bedroom house for less. We are hoping for a 3 bedroom (or more... please more.. lol) for $200 or $300 less than we are paying now. Or hey... $500 less... lol. A girl can dream... and pray... and hope... and know that the God who has cattle on a 1,000 hills has a house for us. Yup. He does. :o)
The nice thing is... we have as much time as we needvto find a home. Our lease is up at the end of July and we dont have to resign, so we really arent in a hurry.
So pray with us that we find the right home... in the right neighborhood... and that everything is just RIGHT!
The nice thing is... we have as much time as we needvto find a home. Our lease is up at the end of July and we dont have to resign, so we really arent in a hurry.
So pray with us that we find the right home... in the right neighborhood... and that everything is just RIGHT!
Busy Time
Spring is always a busy time of year!! For ballet, we are getting ready for the recitals... which means 2 weeks of craziness, since our girls are in different classes and they have to do the shows 2xs each. CRAZY... lol.. but the kids love it and its a great time for the family to see what they have accomplished.
School is wrapping up too... thankfully! I am soooo done with homework. Its so difficult the nice it gets to keep the kids focused. Sometimes they are doing homework for an hour after school and that is just too much in my mind. (Like tonight... Daddy is on homework duty and both younger girls have been working for 50 mins so far).
This weekend was kinda crazy too! Saturday we ended up going to some local farm markets to get some fresh local fruit (and bananas... not so local, but its a good snack and cheap too..lol!) and to a family owned grcoery store where we had tons of samples instead of lunch. Haha.. I know how weird, but the kids thought it was awesome, and we did each buy a 50 cent hot dog to suppliment and ate an apple. :o) Then we had to book it to the church so I could sing for the Saturday service (and both Sunday services).
After church, we met up with mike and drove an hour to pick up Precious the Pug (PP). She is a very cute, silly looking puppy and is pretty well behaved.. ok, she is 7 so shes not to much of a puppy anymore! haha! So far, Tink isnt really into her, but they dont fight, so thats ok. And PP seems to love Madi... she follows her around alot. PP's mommy and daddy, our best friends said that PP seems to know who needs the most lovies and makes sure they get it. :o)
On Sunday, we went to both services, ate lunch, and then came home and napped a bit and then did some planting out front. We are so blessed to live in a devolpment that does all the landscaping and mowing and mulching, but they dont plant any annuals for color, so we did. It looks nice! :o) We also took the kids and the dogs for a LONG walk... PP crashed on the porch when were done... lol. She was wiped out!
On another note, we have been dealing with some negative behaviors from Miss Madi. I think most of it has a lot to do with Mike's new schedule, but some of it I am thinking is her medicine. I hate to increase her dose, but that may be whats neccessary. :o( We have decided to stop her counseling and find a new place. We have been dealing with them billing the insurance incorrectly for a couple of months... and I am at my wits ends to fix it. Meanwhile, we now have a medical bill of over $1000 that we need to figure out how to get rid of becuase we have state insurance AND private insurance and those two things should MORE than cover it. frustration. Seriously. I know that not going to counseling is having an affect on her... but I cant help it right now. We owe them so much in co-pays becuase of how they have been billing that I cant take her anymore without paying the co-pays. My favorite part is that they let this get this far without telling us we owed so much. GRRRR. Moving on...
We are praying that some of these behaviors can be smoothed out soon... especially with summer coming up. I am looking forward to spending time with Madi and the girls... going to the pool, and park, and bike rides, and all the other awesome fun-ness summer brings, but if she keeps throwing her fits and blatenly disobeying, we wont be doing many of those things.
School is wrapping up too... thankfully! I am soooo done with homework. Its so difficult the nice it gets to keep the kids focused. Sometimes they are doing homework for an hour after school and that is just too much in my mind. (Like tonight... Daddy is on homework duty and both younger girls have been working for 50 mins so far).
This weekend was kinda crazy too! Saturday we ended up going to some local farm markets to get some fresh local fruit (and bananas... not so local, but its a good snack and cheap too..lol!) and to a family owned grcoery store where we had tons of samples instead of lunch. Haha.. I know how weird, but the kids thought it was awesome, and we did each buy a 50 cent hot dog to suppliment and ate an apple. :o) Then we had to book it to the church so I could sing for the Saturday service (and both Sunday services).
After church, we met up with mike and drove an hour to pick up Precious the Pug (PP). She is a very cute, silly looking puppy and is pretty well behaved.. ok, she is 7 so shes not to much of a puppy anymore! haha! So far, Tink isnt really into her, but they dont fight, so thats ok. And PP seems to love Madi... she follows her around alot. PP's mommy and daddy, our best friends said that PP seems to know who needs the most lovies and makes sure they get it. :o)
On Sunday, we went to both services, ate lunch, and then came home and napped a bit and then did some planting out front. We are so blessed to live in a devolpment that does all the landscaping and mowing and mulching, but they dont plant any annuals for color, so we did. It looks nice! :o) We also took the kids and the dogs for a LONG walk... PP crashed on the porch when were done... lol. She was wiped out!
On another note, we have been dealing with some negative behaviors from Miss Madi. I think most of it has a lot to do with Mike's new schedule, but some of it I am thinking is her medicine. I hate to increase her dose, but that may be whats neccessary. :o( We have decided to stop her counseling and find a new place. We have been dealing with them billing the insurance incorrectly for a couple of months... and I am at my wits ends to fix it. Meanwhile, we now have a medical bill of over $1000 that we need to figure out how to get rid of becuase we have state insurance AND private insurance and those two things should MORE than cover it. frustration. Seriously. I know that not going to counseling is having an affect on her... but I cant help it right now. We owe them so much in co-pays becuase of how they have been billing that I cant take her anymore without paying the co-pays. My favorite part is that they let this get this far without telling us we owed so much. GRRRR. Moving on...
We are praying that some of these behaviors can be smoothed out soon... especially with summer coming up. I am looking forward to spending time with Madi and the girls... going to the pool, and park, and bike rides, and all the other awesome fun-ness summer brings, but if she keeps throwing her fits and blatenly disobeying, we wont be doing many of those things.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Local Rocks!
Ok... so after my afternoon bout of insanity (yea, we were blaming that on sunstroke)... I thought I would post something a little lighter!! :o)
LOCAL STUFF!!!
I love local stuff. I love going to local festivals and fairs and carnivals and food markets and flea markets. And I love local businesses... mom and pop shops, old world style pizza places, family owned farm stands... anything local.
Tonight, we took the kids to the carnival that is running in our tiny town. It was different than other carnivals we have been too... sure they had the rides, the faux corn dogs, the crazy games, and the screaming teenagers... but this one had some food stands run by local people. Oh my. GOOD FOOD! There was a stand run by some lovely people from El Salvador, and they had tostadas with this crab cerviche... YUM. And popusas... I havent ever had them, but they rocked. They served them with a sort of cole slaw. It was cabbage, but no mayo. And I think it was more lime juice then vinegar. Delish. They also had a stand with burritos and tacos and it was very mexican... and not cheesey tex mex, but more caribbean mexican. The flavor on the food reminded me a lot of stuff we had in this hole in the wall resturant near Cozumel. Again I say...Delish. :o)
Of course my lovely latino kids wouldnt touch it and my completely non-latino loved every bite of it all. My kids are kinda crazy. Seriously... Jay and Kiki wouldnt eat it. Especially Kiki.. she hates any type of latin foods... its odd. She had a slice of pizza. Go figure.
Anyways... I have a small plan for tomorrow. We have a lot of housework to do... and I am singing at all 3 services this weekend (one on Saturday and two on Sunday), and we are picking up the newest member of the family sometime tomorrow. Precious the Pug (my best friends dog) is our new member. Not sure how this is gonna go... but we wanted to make sure Tammy and Josh and the kids (who just moved from Illinois to Virginia) could see their puppy whenever they wanted. Anyways... if we have time, I am taking the kids to an awesome family owned farm called Barefoot Farms to pick strawberries!! YUM! Im not sure how its going to go... especially since Kiki hates strawberries and Jay hates ANY type of manual labor. Seriously. Anything that would constitute work and she is out like a scared bunny. But Miss Madi (my child who loves any and ALLLLL things strawberry) is looking forward to picking them herself! So for her.. we go!
LOCAL STUFF!!!
I love local stuff. I love going to local festivals and fairs and carnivals and food markets and flea markets. And I love local businesses... mom and pop shops, old world style pizza places, family owned farm stands... anything local.
Tonight, we took the kids to the carnival that is running in our tiny town. It was different than other carnivals we have been too... sure they had the rides, the faux corn dogs, the crazy games, and the screaming teenagers... but this one had some food stands run by local people. Oh my. GOOD FOOD! There was a stand run by some lovely people from El Salvador, and they had tostadas with this crab cerviche... YUM. And popusas... I havent ever had them, but they rocked. They served them with a sort of cole slaw. It was cabbage, but no mayo. And I think it was more lime juice then vinegar. Delish. They also had a stand with burritos and tacos and it was very mexican... and not cheesey tex mex, but more caribbean mexican. The flavor on the food reminded me a lot of stuff we had in this hole in the wall resturant near Cozumel. Again I say...Delish. :o)
Of course my lovely latino kids wouldnt touch it and my completely non-latino loved every bite of it all. My kids are kinda crazy. Seriously... Jay and Kiki wouldnt eat it. Especially Kiki.. she hates any type of latin foods... its odd. She had a slice of pizza. Go figure.
Anyways... I have a small plan for tomorrow. We have a lot of housework to do... and I am singing at all 3 services this weekend (one on Saturday and two on Sunday), and we are picking up the newest member of the family sometime tomorrow. Precious the Pug (my best friends dog) is our new member. Not sure how this is gonna go... but we wanted to make sure Tammy and Josh and the kids (who just moved from Illinois to Virginia) could see their puppy whenever they wanted. Anyways... if we have time, I am taking the kids to an awesome family owned farm called Barefoot Farms to pick strawberries!! YUM! Im not sure how its going to go... especially since Kiki hates strawberries and Jay hates ANY type of manual labor. Seriously. Anything that would constitute work and she is out like a scared bunny. But Miss Madi (my child who loves any and ALLLLL things strawberry) is looking forward to picking them herself! So for her.. we go!
Heat Stroke??
Its been awhile since I have had the energy or even the motivation to write a real post. Last week on Wednesday morning Madi, Mike and I went to the beach with his parents and sister. I woke up on Tuesday feeling very stuffy and icky and kept praying it was just some random allergies. By Wednesday morning, I knew this wasnt allergies. I was coming down with a full on head cold. But I was determined to have a good time at the beach. So during the day... I took medicine and kept a box of tissues with me and put on my brave "mommy feels fine" face. At night though... I was miserable. When the cold went to my chest, the pain every time I coughed was intense. Oh, and gotta love having a fever while walking on the beach!
But... being sick at the beach is better than being at home!! :o)
Since coming hone on friday night, I have felt better, but still so run down and still dealing with the cough and the runny nose. I think the worst part is the cough.. it keeps me up sometimes.. and keeps mike up too. I havent been able to go for bike rides with the kids becuase any exertion makes my lungs feel super tight and then: coughing spree insues! :o( Even running up the steps makes me cough like crazy. At first it was a nice excuse to be lazy... but that lasted like 5 seconds... there is too much to do around here to be lazy.
But lazy is how I have found myself acting lately. I am feeling depressed... sullen, and kinda angry alot. And alone. I get up, send the kids to school, and then I am alone till the get home. And by the time they get home, the aloneness and my lack of motivation, and the state of the house make me angry, so I get angry with the kids.
And the kids.... oh my. Mikes new schedule has only been in affect for 3 days and already each of them has exhibited their apperant dislike for it in different ways. Madi has turned into a mean little girl who is back to doing what she wants when she wants it. She decided this morning to wake Jay up by knocking on the wall between their beds. When I asked why, she said because she wanted to. And she didnt care that it woke Jay up... she just wanted to. She has also been "forgetting" her homework... and I think it has to do with wanting more attention.... since 3 kids now only have 1 parent to get attention from.
Jay has withdrawn in the last 3 days.. and has begun whispering all the time again. She doesnt talk to you, she whispers. Its sooo frustrating becuase I want to hear what she has to say, but I cant understand her. She did this alot when she first come to us.
And Kiki. OH. MY. I was feeling so proud of her lately... she hasnt been grumpy or nasty... she has been more helpful around the house, and has just generally been nicer and more pleasant. But not since Wednesday. Oh my goodness.. she has been grumpy and mean, and she has not been very helpful. Yay.
Im full of joy today, huh? Sorry... but summer break will be here soon.. and that makes me happy. I like summer break.. time with my kids, pool side lunches, cool mornings by the pool, ice cream, fresh fruit, and lots of dinners on the grill!!!
I know it seems like a point I touch on a lot... but I am still really praying for more kids. Kiki and Jay will go soon... and I know I am meant to be a momma to more than one kid... and Madi thrives on being a part of a sibling group. So I am praying for Bubba... maybe he will come back and fill some of that void... or maybe even that child that I posted about a few days ago will be our next family member... though I doubt it. Her case is so severe.. it honestly scares me some. Ok.. a lot! We are still praying about her though!! I just want a baby... I miss having a little one around. :o)
All that.. all that feeling... I just needed to express it. I needed to get it out. I have joy... I love my life. I love Jesus and He is so amazing. What He has done for me and continues to do just rocks. I believe some of this is feeling is hormonal or chemical. Depression is poo...and I cant pray it away. In the midst of feeling this way, I do have a sense of joy and peace in knowing Jesus. So please dont think I am a depressed weak person... I am Christian. A Christian who is going through a lot. A person who loves Jesus, yet who has an empty place. A place of compassion... a place for more orphans.
Jesus says: “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” John 14:18 So its clear He wants the orphans to be rescued. Its His heart... and I asked for His heart.
I dunno. Wow.. this has been a crazy all over the place post... sorry. :o) I needed to write it... I needed to get it out. So if it doesnt make much sense... just assume this momma's brain has been fried in the heat wave we have been experiencing the last few days. Yup.. thats it. Heat stroke! Haha.. cant wait till the pool is opened!
But... being sick at the beach is better than being at home!! :o)
Since coming hone on friday night, I have felt better, but still so run down and still dealing with the cough and the runny nose. I think the worst part is the cough.. it keeps me up sometimes.. and keeps mike up too. I havent been able to go for bike rides with the kids becuase any exertion makes my lungs feel super tight and then: coughing spree insues! :o( Even running up the steps makes me cough like crazy. At first it was a nice excuse to be lazy... but that lasted like 5 seconds... there is too much to do around here to be lazy.
But lazy is how I have found myself acting lately. I am feeling depressed... sullen, and kinda angry alot. And alone. I get up, send the kids to school, and then I am alone till the get home. And by the time they get home, the aloneness and my lack of motivation, and the state of the house make me angry, so I get angry with the kids.
And the kids.... oh my. Mikes new schedule has only been in affect for 3 days and already each of them has exhibited their apperant dislike for it in different ways. Madi has turned into a mean little girl who is back to doing what she wants when she wants it. She decided this morning to wake Jay up by knocking on the wall between their beds. When I asked why, she said because she wanted to. And she didnt care that it woke Jay up... she just wanted to. She has also been "forgetting" her homework... and I think it has to do with wanting more attention.... since 3 kids now only have 1 parent to get attention from.
Jay has withdrawn in the last 3 days.. and has begun whispering all the time again. She doesnt talk to you, she whispers. Its sooo frustrating becuase I want to hear what she has to say, but I cant understand her. She did this alot when she first come to us.
And Kiki. OH. MY. I was feeling so proud of her lately... she hasnt been grumpy or nasty... she has been more helpful around the house, and has just generally been nicer and more pleasant. But not since Wednesday. Oh my goodness.. she has been grumpy and mean, and she has not been very helpful. Yay.
Im full of joy today, huh? Sorry... but summer break will be here soon.. and that makes me happy. I like summer break.. time with my kids, pool side lunches, cool mornings by the pool, ice cream, fresh fruit, and lots of dinners on the grill!!!
I know it seems like a point I touch on a lot... but I am still really praying for more kids. Kiki and Jay will go soon... and I know I am meant to be a momma to more than one kid... and Madi thrives on being a part of a sibling group. So I am praying for Bubba... maybe he will come back and fill some of that void... or maybe even that child that I posted about a few days ago will be our next family member... though I doubt it. Her case is so severe.. it honestly scares me some. Ok.. a lot! We are still praying about her though!! I just want a baby... I miss having a little one around. :o)
All that.. all that feeling... I just needed to express it. I needed to get it out. I have joy... I love my life. I love Jesus and He is so amazing. What He has done for me and continues to do just rocks. I believe some of this is feeling is hormonal or chemical. Depression is poo...and I cant pray it away. In the midst of feeling this way, I do have a sense of joy and peace in knowing Jesus. So please dont think I am a depressed weak person... I am Christian. A Christian who is going through a lot. A person who loves Jesus, yet who has an empty place. A place of compassion... a place for more orphans.
Jesus says: “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” John 14:18 So its clear He wants the orphans to be rescued. Its His heart... and I asked for His heart.
I dunno. Wow.. this has been a crazy all over the place post... sorry. :o) I needed to write it... I needed to get it out. So if it doesnt make much sense... just assume this momma's brain has been fried in the heat wave we have been experiencing the last few days. Yup.. thats it. Heat stroke! Haha.. cant wait till the pool is opened!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Happy Mother's Day To ME!
My mother's day present....
sorry, couldnt get the photo to upload on here... but check it out:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=12498041&id=590375216
sorry, couldnt get the photo to upload on here... but check it out:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=12498041&id=590375216
Serbian Sensation
http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/
I have been praying about this little girl for about 3 weeks... following her story and rejoicing in her triumphs and now I read this morning that she has gone to be with Jesus. Oh man. My heart is hurting for her momma and daddy and her new brothers and sisters.
Pray for the family with me please?!? Wow.
I have been praying about this little girl for about 3 weeks... following her story and rejoicing in her triumphs and now I read this morning that she has gone to be with Jesus. Oh man. My heart is hurting for her momma and daddy and her new brothers and sisters.
Pray for the family with me please?!? Wow.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Bubba
I only have time for another quick blog.
Mike had a training tonight with our foster agency while I had choir practice. After the training Mike talked with Bubba and Dee Dee's caseworker.
We need some MAJOR PRAYERS y'all. (um... dont know why I just y'all, I dont talk like that.. but oh well, haha!)
There is a big big BIG meeting tomorrow concerning Bubba being removed with bio-mom and being placed in foster care again. BUT... he would probably go with Dee Dee and her foster family. Part of me is just feeling relieved that he is going to be safe again, but guys, this mommas heart ACHES thinking of him being so close, yet so far. Oh, man, oh man. My arms are hurting for him to be in them.
I want God's will, but yet, I'm afraid God's will would be for him to be with Dee Dee in the other home.
So please pray for him, for the officials involved, and for Dee Dee's family and for ours.
Thanks.
Oh... i got my momm's day present today.. but you will have to wait to find out what it is... Im going to bed!! :o) I will post pics tomorrow!!
Mike had a training tonight with our foster agency while I had choir practice. After the training Mike talked with Bubba and Dee Dee's caseworker.
We need some MAJOR PRAYERS y'all. (um... dont know why I just y'all, I dont talk like that.. but oh well, haha!)
There is a big big BIG meeting tomorrow concerning Bubba being removed with bio-mom and being placed in foster care again. BUT... he would probably go with Dee Dee and her foster family. Part of me is just feeling relieved that he is going to be safe again, but guys, this mommas heart ACHES thinking of him being so close, yet so far. Oh, man, oh man. My arms are hurting for him to be in them.
I want God's will, but yet, I'm afraid God's will would be for him to be with Dee Dee in the other home.
So please pray for him, for the officials involved, and for Dee Dee's family and for ours.
Thanks.
Oh... i got my momm's day present today.. but you will have to wait to find out what it is... Im going to bed!! :o) I will post pics tomorrow!!
Monday, May 17, 2010
:o)
Yea... I have so much to post... BUT... I only have a quick minute.
There is a little girl, 4 1/2 who needs a permanant stable home. We have inquired about her and we are giving it all up to God. If we are her forever fam... that rocks, but if we arent, that is ok too.
Please pray that God sends her to the right home... and that He would prepare that home with baths of peace and love and righteousness.
In my heart, I would love for that family to be us, but I also know that God could have brought her story to me so we can pray for her.
To God be the Glory... its all for Him!!!
There is a little girl, 4 1/2 who needs a permanant stable home. We have inquired about her and we are giving it all up to God. If we are her forever fam... that rocks, but if we arent, that is ok too.
Please pray that God sends her to the right home... and that He would prepare that home with baths of peace and love and righteousness.
In my heart, I would love for that family to be us, but I also know that God could have brought her story to me so we can pray for her.
To God be the Glory... its all for Him!!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
La Playa, and so much more!!
I havent written in awhile... its been a bit crazy around here!!
Tomorrow morning, Mike, Madi and I will leave for our annual Birthday Beach Trip. This year, Mike's parents and sis, Nana, Pap Pap, and Aunt Shell are coming a long! I can not wait. :o)
This morning, I woke up with a major headcold. Grrrrrrr. My nose is stuffy and runny at the same time, which is making my throat sore... and my head kinda feels like its going to explode. Joy. Joy. Haha!
So I am praying for some major healing!! :o) I want to feel 100% tomorrow morning!! :o)
I am a little worried about Madi on this trip. The last trip we took with MIkes fam and Madi was MISERABLE. We went to the mountains in the fall (pre-meds) and she threw tantrums all the time... I got hit and kicked a few times, and cried MANY times. :o( I am just praying the God of peace would REIGN sumpreme over us all. That Madi would feel at peace and happy and would be that sweet sweet wonderful girl we have seen a lot of since we started on the Meds. I think the reason I am worried is becuase lately, we have seen more of that testy, feisty, tantrum-throwing girl that makes this momma's heart sad. Sad becuase I know that she is unsettled in her self to act that way. That she is feeling frustrated and out of control. I want to fix it... but I cant. Jesus can. So I am just praying that HE does!!
Anyways... I wanted to touch on Mother's Day here... it was a tough day. Dedicating Madi was awesome... knowing that in front of family and friends and a whole congregation we said, GOD, she is yours!!!
Spending the time with family was wonderful and I loved making my mom and grandma feel loved appreciated.
But. Yea, I hate buts sometimes. After we put the kids to bed... I cried. And cried, and cried. I realized that I missed Bubba, and I missed all those babies we never got to hold becuase they didnt make it through a whole pregnancy. I was missing all the foster kids we had but went home or somewhere else. I was missing kids we havent met yet. I was missing the 7 years of Madi's life we missed before she came to us.
This huge sense of loss came over me. I have lost so much. SO very much.
But since that day... since that moment in time... God has soon me that He is restoring all that was lost. ALL that was lost... 10-fold. Pressed down, shaken together, and running over. Running. Over.
I am anticipating some more of that loss to be restored soon. Seriously... anticipating. Jesus... BRING IT ON!!!
Anyways... Until Saturday... or maybe Sunday... who knows when I will get unpacked and get our house back together enough to feel ok with sitting down at the puter. Haha... our house is a GIANT wreck!
Oh.. just so you know... Kiki and Jay are going their beloved respite family!! They are so excited... they even asked to stay until Sunday... instead of coming home Saturday morning! lol! :o) Thankfully, the wonderful Momma D is totally ok with that.
Well, off the LA PLAYA!!!
Tomorrow morning, Mike, Madi and I will leave for our annual Birthday Beach Trip. This year, Mike's parents and sis, Nana, Pap Pap, and Aunt Shell are coming a long! I can not wait. :o)
This morning, I woke up with a major headcold. Grrrrrrr. My nose is stuffy and runny at the same time, which is making my throat sore... and my head kinda feels like its going to explode. Joy. Joy. Haha!
So I am praying for some major healing!! :o) I want to feel 100% tomorrow morning!! :o)
I am a little worried about Madi on this trip. The last trip we took with MIkes fam and Madi was MISERABLE. We went to the mountains in the fall (pre-meds) and she threw tantrums all the time... I got hit and kicked a few times, and cried MANY times. :o( I am just praying the God of peace would REIGN sumpreme over us all. That Madi would feel at peace and happy and would be that sweet sweet wonderful girl we have seen a lot of since we started on the Meds. I think the reason I am worried is becuase lately, we have seen more of that testy, feisty, tantrum-throwing girl that makes this momma's heart sad. Sad becuase I know that she is unsettled in her self to act that way. That she is feeling frustrated and out of control. I want to fix it... but I cant. Jesus can. So I am just praying that HE does!!
Anyways... I wanted to touch on Mother's Day here... it was a tough day. Dedicating Madi was awesome... knowing that in front of family and friends and a whole congregation we said, GOD, she is yours!!!
Spending the time with family was wonderful and I loved making my mom and grandma feel loved appreciated.
But. Yea, I hate buts sometimes. After we put the kids to bed... I cried. And cried, and cried. I realized that I missed Bubba, and I missed all those babies we never got to hold becuase they didnt make it through a whole pregnancy. I was missing all the foster kids we had but went home or somewhere else. I was missing kids we havent met yet. I was missing the 7 years of Madi's life we missed before she came to us.
This huge sense of loss came over me. I have lost so much. SO very much.
But since that day... since that moment in time... God has soon me that He is restoring all that was lost. ALL that was lost... 10-fold. Pressed down, shaken together, and running over. Running. Over.
I am anticipating some more of that loss to be restored soon. Seriously... anticipating. Jesus... BRING IT ON!!!
Anyways... Until Saturday... or maybe Sunday... who knows when I will get unpacked and get our house back together enough to feel ok with sitting down at the puter. Haha... our house is a GIANT wreck!
Oh.. just so you know... Kiki and Jay are going their beloved respite family!! They are so excited... they even asked to stay until Sunday... instead of coming home Saturday morning! lol! :o) Thankfully, the wonderful Momma D is totally ok with that.
Well, off the LA PLAYA!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
CRAZY LOVE!!!!!
Linny over at http://www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ is doing another one of her awesome Crazy Love challeneges.
This time, I am not posting with a need or even in participation.. I am posting becuase I found some AWESOME stuff! The posts were all from people who are in the midst of fudnraising for adoptions, and posted what they are selling in order to raise the needed funds. Some of the stuff is sooo super cool.. you have to check it out!!
Seriously... check it out. How awesome would it be if you bought the birthday boy or girl a gift that helps unite an orphan with their forever family? The meaning and care and love behind such a gift would mean more to me than ANY other gift!! How about an anniversary or wedding present? Even a baby shower present. Seriously. James 1:27 in a WHOLE NEW WAY!! I LOVE IT!!!
I am buying a few things tomorrow.. when I get them I will be posting about them, and sharing links for them!!
One I LOVE http://onlygodcouldwritethisstory.blogspot.com/2010/05/its-more-than-just-art.html is one I cant really afford right now, but Im hoping to get one soon. They are soo awesome.. check em out!!
This time, I am not posting with a need or even in participation.. I am posting becuase I found some AWESOME stuff! The posts were all from people who are in the midst of fudnraising for adoptions, and posted what they are selling in order to raise the needed funds. Some of the stuff is sooo super cool.. you have to check it out!!
Seriously... check it out. How awesome would it be if you bought the birthday boy or girl a gift that helps unite an orphan with their forever family? The meaning and care and love behind such a gift would mean more to me than ANY other gift!! How about an anniversary or wedding present? Even a baby shower present. Seriously. James 1:27 in a WHOLE NEW WAY!! I LOVE IT!!!
I am buying a few things tomorrow.. when I get them I will be posting about them, and sharing links for them!!
One I LOVE http://onlygodcouldwritethisstory.blogspot.com/2010/05/its-more-than-just-art.html is one I cant really afford right now, but Im hoping to get one soon. They are soo awesome.. check em out!!
Monday, May 3, 2010
No word on the job yet... but I am actually totally at peace and feeling super calm. Whatever happens, God knows!!
We are dedicating Madison on Saturday @ our new church. I found this as an explanation to what a baby (or in this case and child) dedication is:
Many Christian families elect to have a Baby Dedication service to dedicate and "give back " or present their child back to God. Parents recognize the great responsibilities associated with parenthood and as Christians they endeavor to raise their child in the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 admonishes parents to" train up a child in the way it should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Parents realize that they cannot complete the daunting task of parenthood without God's intervention and direction. That belief is the foundation of dedicating one's baby to God to receive blessing and guidance in rearing the child.
One of the biblical references for a baby dedication is Hannah and Samuel. Hannah basically was barren for years and was very sad about it. She prayed and prayed and begged and prayed and hoped and despaired and had faith and prayed and had Eli bless her and she conceived Samuel. After she gave birth, she said ""As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there." (1Samuel 1:27-28)
For this whole journey through infertility, this story has stuck with me. I know my Daddy God loves me and wants the best for me, but for tons of reasons, some known and some unknown, our path to walk has been one of infertility. There are many many things that I have looked forward to when that day came that I could be called mommy, and dedicating the precious life HE gave me was most certainly one of them. So on Saturday, with our families there, we will be dedication our precious gift to God. We will be giving her back to the King of Kings. He is hers anyways.... we just wanna make it official!! :o)
We are dedicating Madison on Saturday @ our new church. I found this as an explanation to what a baby (or in this case and child) dedication is:
Many Christian families elect to have a Baby Dedication service to dedicate and "give back " or present their child back to God. Parents recognize the great responsibilities associated with parenthood and as Christians they endeavor to raise their child in the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 admonishes parents to" train up a child in the way it should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Parents realize that they cannot complete the daunting task of parenthood without God's intervention and direction. That belief is the foundation of dedicating one's baby to God to receive blessing and guidance in rearing the child.
One of the biblical references for a baby dedication is Hannah and Samuel. Hannah basically was barren for years and was very sad about it. She prayed and prayed and begged and prayed and hoped and despaired and had faith and prayed and had Eli bless her and she conceived Samuel. After she gave birth, she said ""As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there." (1Samuel 1:27-28)
For this whole journey through infertility, this story has stuck with me. I know my Daddy God loves me and wants the best for me, but for tons of reasons, some known and some unknown, our path to walk has been one of infertility. There are many many things that I have looked forward to when that day came that I could be called mommy, and dedicating the precious life HE gave me was most certainly one of them. So on Saturday, with our families there, we will be dedication our precious gift to God. We will be giving her back to the King of Kings. He is hers anyways.... we just wanna make it official!! :o)
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