Everything

Im asking for your prayers again.  Tomorrow Mike should find out if he got the new position.  If he doesn't get it, in a few weeks he will start working in his current position with a crappy schedule.  Wed.-Sat. from 8am -7pm.  He wouldn't get home until 7:30, and we send the kids to be at 8.  So for 4 days a week, the girls would see their Daddy (or current father figure, since Kiki never calls Mike Dad, and Jay only does it on occasion) for 30 mins.
Now, I know in my mind that God's got this all worked out.  He knows what schedule and job Mike will have, and even more important only HE knows why he will end up with that job and schedule.  Its my heart that is kind of getting in the way of rational normal thinking.  I am all emotional over here people!! :o)

I need to lay down my "needs" and what I want for what God knows is the best for my family.  If for some reason God decides that it is best for our family if Mike works till 7 every night, then so be it.  SO.  BE. IT.

Right now, this moment, I am surrending my wants, needs, wishes, and dreams.  Im am laying them down.  And then I am going to pick up Jesus' dreams and plans for my life.  Because no matter how smart I am, how "godly" I am, how wonderful I am, or even how good of a parent I am, God still knows best.  He still works things out for the good of those who serve Him... and I wanna serve Him with EVERYTHING in me.  EVERYTHING.

Everything.

Music to Live By!

We have been so blessed living where we do.  We have an AMAZING radio station...http://wjtl.com/ that plays great Christian music.  They do worship blocks, new music blocks, the archives, sunday night is rap night, friday is alternative and heavy metal... and its all seasoned with a healthy dose of scripture, encouragement, missions words, and a Saturday morning Kids Cookie Break... which is fun and Godly!!
Through this station, I have been introduced to new artists who are amazing annointed by God.  I realized though, that a lot of the country doesnt have a WJTL.  I read a comment on someone else's blog about not know where to get such great Christian music and I decided I wanted to share some of my favs!!
A great place to start is on WJTL's website.  You can listen online, and look at the playlist they keep.

Worship is my favorite type of music.  There is such peace that can seep from notes that were written and played expressly for the worship of God.  I play it around the house a lot and I love to sit at the piano and play and sing my praises to God.
Here are some of my favorite Worship Leaders:
Kim Walker- http://www.kimwalkermusic.com/  She is part of Jesus Culture... they rock too.
Kari Jobe-http://karijobe.com/
Chris Tomlin-http://karijobe.com/
David Crowder Band-http://www.davidcrowderband.com/
Matt Maher-http://www.mattmahermusic.com/
David Ruis-http://www.davidruis.com/
HIllsongs Music-http://hillsongmusic.com/
Israel Houghton-http://israelhoughton.net/
Rita Springer-http://www.ritaspringer.com/
Misty Edwards-http://www.mistyedwards.com/
Jason Upton-http://www.jasonupton.net/site/

My taste in music is always changing.  Sometimes I like the sound of country, sometimes, I'm into jazz.  And pretty much every where in between.  So here is some of my favorite Christian artists and some of the songs I am enjoying.  (I turned on the ol' IPOD and looked at my recent play list!!)

Needtobreathe- I love Washed by the Water and Something Beautiful
Abandon- Something Beautiful
Rielly- They have a lot of great ones... but I love Limited Time
Francesca Battistelli- really... her entire Paper Heart album is cool.  Free to Be Me is me and Madi's current fav song!!
Barlow Girl
Sanctus Real
Jimmy Needham- LOVE this guy!!
TobyMac- His new album is great!
Kirk Franklin
Plumb
Crystal Lewis (girl has got PIPES!)
Pocket Full of Rocks
Flame
Mandisa
Lecrae
Natalie Grant
Sara Groves
Addison Road
Fireflight
Super Chick
Bethany Dillon

So thats it for now... I know I love tons more.. but thats what was on my recent play list! :o)

What about you?   Who are some of your fav Christian Artists??  I'd love to hear yours... I love to learn about new artists!

Oh... heres a question too.. since I love music, is there any type of music you specifically would like to learn about?  Or is there a mainstream artist you love and want to find the Christian equivalent?  Leave me a msg!  I would love to help.

Ahhh... sleep

YAY!! Last night I got 7 hours of sleep!!! Thats the most I have gotten in 5 nights.  But PRAISE JESUS, I needed that sleep.  I even got to take a 45 minute nap.  Yippee!

I think that I have figured out the leg/foot pain thing.  For 2 weeks straight, every night I have either gone for a walk or a bike ride with the kids, or had taken a walk with Tink in the afternoon.  Then, last week, it got cold and rainy again, and my bike tire tube had a hole in it... so no walks or bike rides.  Since not getting that excercise, the pain at night when I laid down was intense, and no matter how much tylenol, tylenol PM, advil, melatonin, tea, and whatever else, the pain would not subside enough for me to fall asleep until like 4 or 5 am.. when my body just gave out.

Last night, I used Mikes bike and took the kids for a short ride, even in the cold.  And last night, my pain was minimal. So I slept! yay!
I know God had something everything to do with it, becuase I felt very compelled to take a ride.  I felt like I needed to... even tho I really didnt want to.

So tonight, again, I decided to take Madi on a little ride after Kiki and Jay's visit.  I am hoping and praying that this will again be a full nights sleep.  I am very sleepy and I'm not feeling much pain... YAY!

Thank you Father for your healing touch... for the restful sleep I got last night, and the peaceful sleep I will get tonight! :o)  


***UPDATE**
Ok, so I slept for like an hour, and then was awake. I got a snack and read some, and then did fall back asleep for about 5 hours.  SO not a total wash. :o)  I did have some pain, but not TONS.

And I did take an 1.5 hour nap.
I LOVE NAPS!

Madison

For Easter, Madison wore her new dress that her wonderful Mimi got for her.  I curled her hair, and she wore one of her favorite necklaces.  She looked so pretty, and I know she felt pretty!  So we had a little photo shoot... and I loved the results!!  Here are a few of my favs!!!

Man.. God gave us one gorgeous, funny, sweet, and loving little girl!! I feel so lucky yo have been chosen to be her momma.  I know that the journey with her hasnt been easy, and there have been days that I have wondered why God chose us to be her parents, and even more days that I wondered if we could actually do it!  But we have know for some time that God PICKED us to be her parents... and that He has got some pretty awesome plans for her.  She is such a talented kid... and she loves her Abba Father.  I know she will be able to reach people that other women couldnt because of her background.

Its hard to beleive that in a few weeks this tiny package of dynamite will be 9!!  MAN OH MAN!  She is about the size of a 5/6 yr old... height and weight!  In honor of her birthday, we are going to the beach!!  Last year, we took her for her birthday and it was her very first time seeing the ocean.  Here is a pic of her very first view:

She literally stood there, stock still, mouth agape, just staring at the beauty of the ocean, the sound of the waves, breathing in the salty tang for more than 5 mins (hey, thats like 4 hours for us... she does have ADHD).

And here is a pic of the first time her little toes felt the wonderful beach:

So in 2 weeks, we will be leaving for our 2nd Annual Birthday Beach Trip!  YAY!!  I am so excited... the beach is my absolute FAVORITE place to be.  This year, Mike's parents and sister are coming, and Madi is super excited to have her Nana, Pap Pap, and Aunt Shell along to show them OUR fav spots at the beach!!  We are going to have a blast!!

Oh... someone asked me why I dont have any pics of Kiki or Jay on here or my facebook... and the answers is:  I cant.  Yup... not allowed to share stuff like pics or identifying info of any foster kid.  It kinda stinks, cause they are gorgeous lovely girls too... and I have some AMAZING pics of them that I would love to share, but I can't.  Sadface. 

Anyways.. Im off to bed. Pain induced insomnia has made sleep next to impossible the past 4 nights... so Im going to go early and try again.  Im praying for restful, peaceful, and PAIN FREE sleep tonight, and lots of it!! :o)

Becuase He Loves Me!

Man oh man... I sang for the first time with our new church's choir tonight... and it was awesome.  It felt so good o sing with a group and share my love for Jesus through music.  And surprisingly I wasnt that nervous... which is all God, becuase our church averages 2500 people a weekend, over 3 services.  

While we were practicing this song below, God really spoke to me.  He was saying, "Dana, I know it feels like the oceans are raging, and the storms are blowing, but you dont have to be afraid, becuase I love you!!  I will make all things work together for you good becuase I love you.  And my love never fails."
Yeah,... I soooooo needed to hear that.  Worry has been my constant companion lately, not Jesus.  I have been trying to "Fix" everything, not rely on the King of Kings to take care of me.  Im laying it down... all of it.  God knows what shift will be the best for Mike, me and the kids.  If its the crappiest shift on the list... God is working all things together for our good, so we will grow, adjust, and not only survive, but truly LIVE!  If Mike is meant to get the other position, that would be awesome too... but whatever happens, I am going to keep my trust, my hope, and my joy in Him!!

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

God's Got His Hand On You

This is probably the third time I have opened a "new post" for my blog.  I really have a WHOLE lot to say, but I dont have the words, the thought-processes, or even the mental stamina to put it in words.

So lets go simple bullet style writing!  Bear with me please!? :o)

*Mike has an interview tomorrow for a job within the company he already works for.  If he gets the job, he would no longer have to work Saturdays (which he has done since before we were married) and it would be likely that he wouldnt have to work past 5 or 6... ever.  There has been talk of a shift bid in his current department... and they just handed out the paper with the list of shifts.  There are like 2, maybe 3 that would be ok.  1 that would rock, and the rest are HORRID!!  When he told me about this, I cried.  Some of the shifts on that paper would mean that my kids would see their father only 3 days a week.  He would be at work from the time that they get home from school till well past bedtime.  And he would be sleeping when they got up.  The idea of not having my husband and their father home every night for dinner breaks my heart.  So my hope and prayer and HOPE is that he can get this new job.  The stress of always worrying about schedules and shifts wouldn't be there, and I could use that break!!

*Im still struggleing a little (ok, a TON) with this whole "stay at home mom with no kids at home" thing.  Ive been sleeping way to much, and feeling bored and lazy, and probably way to much self-pity.  I dont like me much most days.  Im stressing myself out over little stupid stuff, and by the time the girls get home, I have no patience left because I frustrate myself to no end.  I'm a mess.  Im no good at staying home by myself.  Im no good at being bored.  So I am praying for direction.  I need it.

*Kiki is just driving me nuts.  She has a bad attitude about 75% of the time.  It makes me and Madi feel like walking on eggshells around her, and I think Jay is just totally oblivious.  Mike is just frustrated.  I want it to end.  I wish I could get through to her.

*I STILL havent heard anything about getting Jay in for a psych eval for her ADHD... its been WAY over a month.  I love medi-caid.  :o(

*And we are still having issues with Madi's insurance.  They wont cover her counseling appointments, despite the fact that its the same counseling she has been recieving for almost a year.  Its so frustrating too becuase when Mike called about it they gave him the run-around and now he needs to call again.

*I feel like God is doing something here... but I still dont know what it is.  A sense of anticipation is licking my heels, and spurring me on to press in... press on... and look towards Him.

*And lastly... Im worried about my mom.  She isnt returning or answering my calls, but I know from my aunts that she is "fine".  We are coming up on the anniversary of 2 of our miscarriages... both of which my momma took very hard.  And financially... well, she needs a miracle!! 

I think thats it. Well, no, there is more, but thats all I'm willing and able to share right now.  

Be strong in the Lord and,Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say.These are the words I would say,

(That is running through my head right now... great song by Sidewalk Prophets, These Are The Words I Would Say).

Off-Kilter?

Ive been feeling off kilter the past few days.  Disconcerting, to say the least.  Does this mean we are on the verge of a change? A big choice?  Anything?  I'm hoping its God doing something in me.  I need a change.  I dont want to be the same Dana.  I want to be more like Jesus and to more of His work... so if that it God.. BRING IT!! :oD  And Jesus, if me being off kilter is ANYTHING else, um, could you still bring us something new and fresh!?  Something different and awesome!?  Thanks! :o)

Today Madison had her very last cavity filled!! YAY!  Since she has come here to live, she has had 10 teeth removed, 1 capped, and 4 filled.  We decided not to do everything at once, and that has proved to be a good decision, becuase she doesnt hate the dentist.  I think if she had to have all that done at once, she could have ended up with a life-long hatred of all things dentist-related!  :o)  So now she loves her dentist, Dr. Mike (and she actually remembers his name becuase he has the same name and daddy!), and has a mouth free of yuk!  We have one more appointment left and that is for a spacer and sealants.  Easy peasy!

I also had an appointment today... mine was for the eye doctor.  I have had a lot of issues with my eyes over the years, all minor thankfully, so I always get all the tests.  Dilation, the dye, the puff, you name it.  Today though, the doc said I dont need to have it all, that he can see that my eyes look great.  He did mention a problem with the veins in my eyes, which I had heard about from a previous eye doc.  The old doc had never told me how to fix it, or even if it could be fixed, but this new doc told me all I need to do is change to a lense that allows mroe oxygen to get in... and there will probably be a noticable difference!  YAY!  He also said my eyes seem to be very stressed... and I thought to myself, "just like the rest of me"!

It seems the earth is being "shaken" huh?  All these earthquakes... volcanos... hmmmm.  I was reading Hebrews today... check out Hebres 12... specifically 12:27.   "The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain."  Im not into doomsday stuff... and I think all the drama around the rapture and tribulation (end times stuff) is a little pointless.  I feel like, while it is interesting to study and know about, debating and getting worked up isnt necessary.  What is necessary is telling people about Jesus.  Getting our own hearts right with Him.  Thats all.  But all these earthquakes and stuff have DEFINTELY gotten my attention a bit.  But only in this way.... it makes me pray even harder and more diligently for my unsaved loved ones!! 

I just pretty much flew off the handle at Madi.  Her transgression was rather small, but for some reason, it made me SOOO angry.  I dont know it was lack of sleep, lack of patience, or just a build up of frustration, but I'm kind of thinking maybe all of the above. 
I have had so many people say "you must have the patience of a saint" or something along those crazy lines, but I am here to say that I definitly DO NOT.  I am not a saint, I am not super mom, I am not the most awesome woman ever.  Im just me.  Fallible, imperfect, simple me.

It's God who is ultra patient.

It's God who is SUPERman.

It's God who is the most awesome Father ever.

Its God who is infallible, perfect and strong.

And sometimes, it's God IN me who makes me strong and patient, and maybe even a bit super.

But no, friends, it's not me, it's all Him.  

To God be the glory, becuase with out Him, I wouldnt be able to live this life.  

I wouldnt be able to be a mom to these wonderful children with all of their issues.  

Without Him... I would have nothing.

To God be the glory for GREAT things He has done.

Time to go apologize to my child.  Which I hate doing.  Sigh.

But I know that's what I need to do, becuase I was definitly wrong.

And actually, Madi makes it easy.  Shes already forgiven me, and probably forgotten.

God has blessed me with a great kid, and I want to do my best to make sure she knows it.

Just some of this and some of that

This morning I awoke to find 2 8 yr olds awake, wide eyed, and doing gymnastics in their small and kinda crowded bedroom.  SPECIAL.
Why me?  I have to admit, I am not at ALL a morning person.  I want to sleep in until at least 10.  That is my dream in life... to sleep in.  So the fact that the 8 yr olds can sleep until 8am every morning, which means, I too can sleep till 8am has been a blessing.  I just dont understand why they dont share in the joy of that particular blessing.  SLEEP CHILDREN, SLEEP!!! Sigh.  I know, not gonna happen.  :o)

I just was asked yesterday to care for my best friends children for a few days while they (children's pastors) do a kids camp kinda thing.  YAY!  I love my "neice and nephew" and Madi and Josiah got a long great when they met for the first time a few weeks ago.  Im so happy and excited becuase Tammy and Josh have been living in Illinois working as childrens pastors, but have just accepted a position in VA!  So now, instead of being 14+ hours away they are only 3 hours!!  That makes Mike and I soooo happy!  I love Tammy... she is like a sister to me, and Mike thinks Josh rocks, and their kids are wonderful and cute.  AND, we will be "fostering" their pug Precious for a while until they can find a house to rent that takes pets!  More craziness... but what can I say... I like it.

This is Madi and Josiah... cute huh?

In other news (LOL), I got the kids report cards this week, and I am pleasantly surprised!  Madi was a little improved ina few areas, and her comments from her teachers where very nice!  She started her medicine at the end of the semester, so I cant wait to see what her last report card will be like.  We will also have an IEP meeting soon, and I know we are going to completely revise her IEP!!!  She definitly has improved enough that she will only have a few things on her IEP, instead of pages upon pages!   Jay did better than we expected.  Her teacher had given us a progress report that was kinda scary, so we have been working more with her and her teacher has been giving her more one-on-one time.  So as of right now, she IS passing 3rd grade! When we had gotten Kiki's progress report, she had a lot of Ds and Cs, so her caseworker lit a fire under her behind (so to speak), and then Mike's dad, Pap Pap gave her a little talk, and so we did.  Well, it worked.  Dont know which one...but one of those, or maybe all of them helped her work harded.  She only had 1 D.  The rest were all Cs and Bs!  YAY!

I think we might have to take the girls to Rita's to celebrate!!  Yea, the grades arent great, but Mike and I havent put a lot of emphasis on the letter of the grade.  We have told all our girls from the beginning, if you TRY your best, thats all matters. I think Madi reallllllllly tried last semester (without meds), so I am very proud of her.  And I know Kiki and Jay can do much much better than they are, but they improved, and I have to take in to consideration their situation and the stress being a foster kid causes.  So.... we want to honor the effort!!

Totally random... but here is a pic from Madi's gymnastics olympics.  She rocks! :o)

An Angry Kid

So, I found out that Jay and Kiki's case has moved from a "temporary" case, to a "permanacy" case.  Which basically means that mom has done absolutely NOTHING towards getting them back, so C&Y are under the impression that she plans on doing nothing, so they are going to start making sure that the kids are in "pre-adoptive placements". 
We have tried to be as honest and forthcoming with the girls about their case... especially Kiki.
Today, I had a few mins alone with Kiki in the car and she asked about the case and why they have a new caseworker.  So I told her why.
Today's one of those days when I wish we were NOT honest and forthcoming with the kids.  She freaked out.  Poor kid is scared, frustrated, mad, anxious, the whole nine yards.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised she is taking it out on me, but that doesn's make it any easier.
I just wish her mom would do what she needs to do.  That woman has it very very easy.  One thing.  Get a place to live that the kids can move into.
I know I shouldn't judge and I should be much more compassionate, but its so hard.  Kiki knows what her mom needs to do.  And I think it makes her feel very unloved and unwanted becuase it is such an easy thing.
Just pray for Kiki.  She is so angry right now... and we are all feeling the effects of it.

Blessings

At the beginning of the week, I was very concerned.  It was one of those weeks that we would be praying to get through and hoping we could make the gas money stretch so we could get everyone where they needed to go.. including Mike, who works 30 mins away!  And I was concerned becuase the pantry was very bare, and the fridge and freezer weren't looking much better.  So I prayed.  I just simply said, God, help us make it through the week.  However you feel necessary, please Father, be the provider.
Blessing #1
After all of the Easter festivities we had with our families, we ended up with some leftovers which helped us make it through the week without needing to go to the store.
Blessing #2
On Monday, I went to the mail box, and when I opened it, a dear blogger friend sent us $20 after reading the blog about Crazy Love.  Seriously, you have no idea how that $20 helped us this week.  That little bit made it possible for Mike to get back and forth from work!
Blessing #3
All the gorgeous weather!  The beautiful scenes... man I was so blessed driving through the country side.  Amazing!! It made me realize that God loves us so much that He made the earth to be as beautiful as it is so we would know He is who He says He is!!!
Blessing #4
They just hired a new guy at Mike's work... his schedule is very similiar to Mike's while he is training, and he live near us, so he and Mike are car-pooling.  Good stuff, right?  Save on gas, all that stuff.  Even better?  The new guy and his wife are foster parents.  Shut the front door!  Lol!!  AND, his wife is a youth pastor!  God rocks.  Seriously.  Mike was very glad for a godly man to spend an hour a day with, and a man who has been there and done that when it comes to foster care.  Im so happy that Mike has this guy to talk to.  YAY!
Blessing #5
After riding bikes with the kids all week... with them taking turns becuase we dont have enough bikes for everyone, and awesome woman Mike works with is giving us 2 bikes... ones a girls and one is a boys, so we are still short one bike, but Im NOT complaining!  And she said she bought the one bike for us from a non-profit organization, so the money she spent is going to bless others!! NICE!
Blessing #6
I also just found out that we can get a check from our foster agency to buy both girls bikes and all the accessories!!  So they are sending us that money soon... which means that both girls will have bikes and helmets and all the other important biking stuff!!  Maybe even a basket for Jay... she thinks they are cool! LoL! :o)

Wow.  We are blessed.  I was thinking last week that we were just kinda blessed... and that we never get those physical blessings, like money and stuff.  Blah blah, pity party, Blah blah blah.  :o)
Then Linny @ http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ wrote her blog about Crazy Love (you have to scroll down pretty far, but her other posts are awesome, including the one about Hearing God!!).  And I decided to write my post with out need, but I also wanted God to use us to meet a need.  So I prayed and was obedient.  And no, we didnt recieve 10 grand to buy a van.  No, we arent somehow, miraculously debt free.  But my faith is bigger, my hope, brighter.  I think God was saying to me, Dana, it's time to look at all the blessings I DO give you.  They may not be big giant things like a new house, or a new van, but as you are faithful in the little things, so am I. I know God could give us a house.  A van, or 30,000 to adopted a child.  But I think He is choosing to have us work for our stuff.  To work through all the mess of this life, to stay faithful and know in His time it will happen.

So for now... my faith is bigger.  My hope... BRIGHTER!!

Simply Stunning!

Ive been feeling very tired lately, but the weather makes me get up a do a happy dance anyway! :o)
The last 3 days we have been taking bike rides around the neighborhood in the evening... so I have been getting some good excercise... go me!  Im hoping to lose my last 20 lbs to get to my goal by June.  I have been slowly (but surely) getting there.  Again I say, GO ME! :o)

Yesterday after the kids therapy appointments, I took them to school and then had to drive to our foster agency to drop off my (VERY) late paperwork for the month... and I am so so glad I did.  The drive was so beautiful!  I saw a foal doing his very own happy dance around a happy momma.  I drove through a canopy of weeping cherry trees, it was magical!! The pink blossoms were just raining down all over and oh man, I wish I was a better writer... simply stunning.  Then I saw a whole bunch of baby lambs... they were so cute and dark next to the white fluffy mommas... there was even one who was stumbling around like he was brand spankin' new and hadn't gotten his "sea" legs!  And one of the greatest things about driving through the back farm roads of our county (which is like every road in the county, haha) is the covered bridges.  They come up so unexpectedly and look so quaint and from another time.

I couldnt help but smile the whole drive home.   How could you not?  The flowering trees waving their bright fluffy branches in the warm breeze, the sturdy hyacinths and tulips flashing their brilliant colors, and the lush green fields contrasting with the deep brown of recently tilled earth all just SCREAM, "I made this for YOU".  Yup.  Thats what God was saying to me all yesterday.  "Look around Dana, just look.  This is for you, so you would know I am here.  That I am near, that I love you, and I am very, very, very real".

Amazing.  Seriously Amazing.  :o)  Yeah, kinda wish I had taken the camera... but its ok.  Those images are burned in my brain.  Simply. Stunning.

Madi-Gascar!

I love calling her Madigascar... and honestly... she loves it too!  She has even begun to think thats actually how you spell Madagascar!  Oops! :o)
We took Madi to the docs the other day, and they said she has an ear infection and strep throat, and he seemed to think that all that yuck in her system was causing her to throw up a lot.  So... she is on an antibiotic and seeming to be feeling better.
But please keep her in your prayers.  She has been exhibiting extreme fear-based reactions to spiders and bees again.  Well, not even again, it was NEVER this bad!!  She screams and yells and gets sooooo terrified she cant calm down and is even acting totally irrational about it!  I know I need to be pleading the blood and binding up the fear, but I dont think about it in the moment, all i think about is getting her calmed down enough to function again!!!  Its such an extreme reaction.... one I have NEVER seen before from anyone.  Its been happening a LOT... especially with all the gorgeous weather we have been having... all the flowering trees are blooming!  Please keep her in your prayers... its gotta be soo hard for her.. she LOVES to be outside and is now afraid of it!
Right now, she is sleeping on the floor in our room becuase Jay and Kiki were sooooo mean to her.  They were downstairs in the living room having a "camp-out", and Madi was super excited!  She hates sleeping alone, and on the weekend, we allow Jay and Kiki to sleep in the same room, but on school nights, Madi and Jay share a room.  So this way, no one had to sleep alone.  They were watching a movie (Veggie Tales!), and Mike and I were up in our room with the door open to keep an ear out, when all of a sudden Madi came upstairs sobbing!  After she calmed down, she told us that they made her clean everything up.. the popcorn, putting the movie away, turning the TV off, and that when she "took to long" they prayed without her and wouldnt hold her hand to pray with them.  Then when she asked why they did that they said because she is ugly and they dont want to be near her.  Then they told her they saw a spider crawling in her blankets and she should go upstairs and sleep becuase she stinks and thats why the spiders where in her blankets. 
I was SOOO ANGRY!  I yelled.  I hate to admit that, but man, I told them how it was.  I did not stop to pray.  I did not take a few deep breaths.  I just ran downstairs and yelled.
Then, after Mike came down and helped me calm down.  I apologized for yelling.  THEN, I talked to them in a calm tone of voice, which I realized actually got through to them more and made them realize what they did and how it made Madi feel.  We will need to talk tomorrow and sort this mess out... but I sent them to their rooms.  Madi willing went to hers and Jays and before she shut the door... she said, I dont know what I did wrong, but I will tell them sorry tomorrow.  I just wanted to have a camp-out.  Ahhh... broke my heart.  I asked Jay and Kiki.. did Madi say anything mean to you... NO... did she do anything mean... NO.   (Sometimes Madi does get a bit of an attitude with them, but they assured me she was fine.) 
So... Mike said, let her sleep in here... just this once.   Hopefully NOT famous last words!  SO she brought her sleeping bag and extra pillows in and laid down.  She is sleeping soundly... seemingly, right as rain. 
I hate that there is so much animosity between them.  Madi loves the girls... she really does, and thinks of them as her sisters.  We try to treat them all the same, and love them the same.  Sometimes, I think becuase of Jay's needs with school work, I pay more attention to her than the other two.. and Kiki gets my undivided attention for a whole hour because she gets home an hour earlier than the other two.
I wonder what we are doing wrong.  But then, I have to accept the fact that we might be doing things fine, but the problem lies within them and their background.  I hate the idea that Jay and Kiki's mom might have encouraged this kind of behavior.  Kiki certainly is mean to Jay an awful lot.
Well.... just pray for us all.  This house needs some extra peace!!!