Who She Is

First... Thanks Natalie for coming out of stalker-ville... lol!  :o)  Natalie commented on my last blog post and she made me think.

For us adoptive mommas.... most of our babies were born out of wed-lock.  Some even out of rape, incest, or something equally nefarious (ive always wanted an excuse to use that word... found it!).  How do we speak deep into the souls of these babies that they are wanted, worth it, worthy, loved, needed... etc?
That because they were conceieved out of sin that they are not sin?

Madison... my brave sweet girl was a product of an un-wed mother.  She possibly was even the product of incest... we arent sure and never will know... which is ok with us.  As we teach her about absitnence... waiting, purity, modesty... and all of that, we have to be careful how we word things.  As we find out friends... single Christian women with no husbands, or sometimes even boyfriends end up pregnant, we have to guard our words.  And then explain to our curious and full of questions 9 year old why its wrong, but the baby isnt.

Makes me dizzy thinking about it! 

So..heres a basic run down of some of our conversations:

Me: You have to get married before you have a baby.
Madi: T & B (birth parents) weren't married...
Me: Some people arent, but Jesus doesnt want it to be that way.  He says in the bible we should get married then make babies only with our husbands.  Your BPs didnt know Jesus so they dont follow His ways.


Madi:  Is it a sin to have babies before you get married?
Me:  There is something a mommy and daddy have to do to have babies and if you do that before you get married it is a sin.  But if you wait till your married it isnt.
Madi:  Is the baby bad then?  Is that why I'm bad?
Me:  NO!  The baby is still beautiful, wonderful, loved, and important.  You get in trouble and do bad things becuase you make bad choices.  You hvae the ability to be good and make good choices, but you choose the wrong way sometimes.  And just becuase a mommy and daddy made a bad choice, doesnt mean you werent wanted and loved.  Its like you were a suprise gift!
Madi: Huh? (she gives the best Huh? face ever... and does it frequently... lol!)
Me: T & B were walking a long living life and stuff and then they had you.  It was like Christmas morning the day you were born... a big present they didnt expect, but were so happy to have!!
(Then she went and played dressup and made herself into a present and came down and made me open her.  lol... love her!!)

Now these 2 convos were just a snippet of the truth we have tried to pour into her.  In some ways, Madi was fortunate because her BPS didnt give her up... she was taken by C&Y.  If your child was given up by her parents, I think a spirit of rejection can attach itself to the kid.  Even if they cant verbalize it... many kids feel like they werent good enough for their parents to keep.  They feel that if they were better, prettier, smarter, etc then their parents would have kept them.  Madi's BPs tried to keep her... they fought for her.  So I dont think that she feels rejected. 

But... we still are always telling her what she is!

She is:

Loved

Wanted

Adored

Cared For

Safe

Blessed

Chosen

Redeemed

Beautiful

Creative

Talented

Righteous

&

Saved

Our belief is that if we, as her parents... the ones God has chosen to raise her, continually tell her those things. Show her that she is all of that and more...she will believe it and nothing will be able to snatch that self confidence away from her.   And pray those things over her daily.

Thats all we can do.  The rest is up to her and Jesus!!