CRAZINESS

Ok... so there has been some super crazy happenings at home lately.... Dee left, Bubba left, then we got 2 more girls the same day Madi was adopted... Im going to refer to them as Kiki and Jay... they are 12 and 8.  Then... on Wednesday, we got the girls' brother on an emergency basis becuase his last foster parents possibly hit him... he came with the clothes he was wearing and his coat.. and that was it.  SO we had to do some emergency shopping for him and wrapping!! 
AND... my computer crashed on Friday, so I havent had a chance to update anything.

Mikes taking the puter to his brothers on Sunday to try to fix it (PRAY.. haha!).

I cant wait to be able to show off pictures of our gorgeous new Madison!  She looked so pretty on her adoption day!! :o)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

PRAISE GOD.. SOME GOOD NEWS!!

Tomorrow @ 3:45

Our precious little girl with officially become:

MADISON CHRISTINE MATSON

Praise God... He came through just when we needed some good news... and with such a miracle!!  Its so amazing... all the Glory must go to God!!  Our paperwork is not 100% finished, and they were going to make us wait until Jan, but becuase it wasnt anything we could help, they pushed it through for tomorrow!!

YAY GOD!

Feeling a little lost...

I keep expecting to hear a lil man crying to let me know hes done sleeping and its time for cuddles.
I should be getting breakfast ready for him.
There is no lil boy laundry to do.. and since I finished all Madi's and ours on Tuesday, theres no laundry to do.
Becuase my wonderful mom was here yesterday, there isnt even anything to clean.
I could wrap presents, but I dont want to sort through the christmas presents to find Madi's... becuase inevitably, I will run into Bubba and Dee Dee's gifts that we havent had a chance to give to them yet.  Ever?

Im just feeling a little lost.  Im not sure what to do with myself.  Maybe a nap will help me clear my head and find something to do.  I already baked some tasty banana bread...

Bubba..

Our caseworker called and said the judge ordered Bubba home today.  They wouldnt even allow her to testify.  Our ONLY hope is now Dee Dee.  She has an appt with an abuse specialist for them to try to get her to talk about the abuse with them...but its not until Jan 5th.  So he will at least be with them till then.
We can not believe a judge would send a boy home to his abusive parents.  Its simply ridiculous.  Im so angry and sad... no, those words are to weak.  Take those words times 1000 and thats about what I'm feeling.

I honestly feel like I can breathe.

Court Today

Court today... well, for lack of a better word, SUCKED.
We waited around for 3 hours only to walk into the room, sit for 5 mins and have our hearts brutally ripped from our chests.
Basically, the kids lawyer used a lot of legal mumbo jumbo and droned on for 3 mins about how the previous abuse allegations where unfounded and there were new allegations from Dee, but an investigation hasnt been opened.  Then the lawyers for the parents said this has drug on forever (a whole 4 mos) and its time for them to come home now.  The judge was all kinds of apologetic to the parents (what the heck?) and said your right, it has been to long, blah blah.  SO there is a shelter hearing on Wed to determine if there home is suitable.  Suitable for what... oh, nothin much, just for Bubba to return home.  Thats the point in time when our hearts where ripped out.  Judge still says Dad cant live there.. yeah right, cause they followed that last time, but bubba can go home.  What crack are these people smoking?  How is it ok to send a little boy home who was obviously neglected, and whose sister was s*xually abused?  Oh man... I cant even get started.

THEN.. this is my fav... we stepped up to talk to the lawyer and guardium ad litum after they dismissed the parents and the lawyer listened, mostly, but the guardium... not at all.  AND THEN, she left the room and went and got Dee, who was with our agency caseworker, and took her out to see her parents.  The very same people that she was freaking out about becuase she didnt want to see them today and was assuared she wouldnt.  She, of course, was happy, but when her dad picked her up, she began to shake, badly.  Later when her new foster dad and mike and i came out she was still shakey and she told us she was shaking becuase her dad made her that way.  I asked why, she said becuase Im scared.  When our agency caseworker heard this, she went to tell the guardium, who basically said, yea right, i saw her react to her dad, she was happy to see him.  She simply wouldnt listen to any of us.  The caseworker was floored, she couldnt believe it!!!

Needless to say... we were FREAKING out.  What could we do... what can we do???  Nothing.  But wait.  UGH.
So our AMAZING CASEWORKER, who was as upset about the idea of Alex going home as us, went to her supervisor and they talked about what to do.  If nothing was done, they were going to have us all call childline and report stuff.  But, at 8 tonight, she texted me to say that she would be testifing at the shelter hearing on wed and they opened an investigation and would probably be calling to talk to us about Dee's claims.
Im still freaking out.  Still trying to hang on to the threads that seem to be holding this family together. 
I was reminded of this song today in the car:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

And trying to live by these words.

Adjusting Again... and Court Tomorrow

We are adjusting... again.  From one kid, to three, back to two.  Madi had a hard time and was very moppy on Saturday... and then today displayed a lot of bad behaviors, and temper tantrums.  Hoping tomorrow she can get back to some of that good behavior we have seen from her in the last 2 weeks.  I was really thinking it was the begining of the end of the "Nasties" from her.  The hissing, growling, yelling, screaming, frustrated jumping... we call that her "nasties".  Heres to praying that tomorrow will be better than today!!!
And tomorrow is court for Bubba and Dee Dee.  Dee's new foster dad is bringing her, so we will get to see her.. YAY! :o) We are praying that the KIDS best interests are first and foremost thought about... and not the parents.  That the suspension of visits would stand and that they would somehow prove some of these s*xual abuse claims.
The kids county never asks kids to come to court, but Dee has to come, so we are really praying for her.. and for her not to have to answer any questions... especially so soon after moving into a new home!!

Thanks for the extra prayers!!!

Dee Dee is Gone

Well, after a whirlwind week of CRAZINESS.... Dee has left our home and family and went to live with a new family.
Things change everyday and sometimes a couple times a day all week with what was going to happen to her and Bubba.  But the final decision was made on Thursday morning for her to leave that night.  Thank GOD, He knew that just wasnt going to be best.  Thursday at school she had the first seizure we have seen.  It was a "staring" seizure, or an absence seizure, and last until the EMT gave her some meds in an IV.  (Yea, they called the ambulance, and me and Dee Dee got our first ever ride in once!!!).  We spent most of the afternoon/evening in the ER, so the county said with all that, she can stay until tomorrow.  So we got to tell the girls last night.
Madi is a very happy, chipper, alLllllllllways "up" child.  She doesnt like to show emotions, except anger, and usually cant name her emotions.  Well, last night, a dam broke lose in her soul and she SOBBED and cried for a LONG time, for the first time EVER.  She could hardly speak last night and this morning after it.  She was simply devasted that she was losing yet another sister.
Dee Dee also cried and said she didnt want to go.  She was scared and said she would miss us a lot.  But we had a very nice talk and helped her to feel ok about it.
We are VERY sad that Dee will not be staying in this school too... her teachers and staff have been AMAZING to both girls.  Today, we took Dee into school to say goodbye to everyone, and they reallllly showered her with love!!!  Her teacher is one of the most amazing women I have ever seen.  She loaded Dee up with books, erasers and stickers, and gave her a nice clifford dog.  She also gave alex a clifford, and madi a clifford book.  Since Dee Dee loves pretzels and wants them everyday at school for snack, she gave a GIANT bag of pretzels too!!!!  Then, she did something so above and beyond, it truly made Mike and I speechless.  She wrote us a $200 check to buy Dee and the other two some things.  Amazing woman.  Truly!!!  She said she wanted to go buy Dee new sneakers, becuase Dee HATES the sneaker we bought her... they are too bulky for her and she got very angry at them when she tripped, but her teacher didnt have time, since it was kind of sudden!  There were so many people who came to the office to shower her with love.  If I had a medal for best school ever... it would go to this one. 
So shes not with us.  And it realllllly hurts.  But God is in control.  He's got this.  So, with a bit of a heavy heart, I said goodbye to a kid who has potential to do great and big things, knowing that God loves her more than I ever, ever could!!

How powerful is your worship?

Tonight, at bible school, I was super challanged by Lamar Boschman's teaching on worship.  He was teaching on how to be a rue worshipper.  Not just someone who worships during a church service only, but someone who worships through it ALLLLL.
I havent been that.  I think I used to be.  I used to be the girl who praise God through it all.  And Mike and I have been through it all.  Deaths of relatives, deaths of our unborn children, loss of jobs, major illnesses, loss of friends, just LOSS.  A lot.  And through all of that, I praised God.
When did I stop doing that on a regular basis!??!
Where did I turn away from thanking Him for everything!??!

Tonight, I made a decision to be that girl again... but better.   I had to repent to the Lord!  Ive been walking around, and when people ask me how I am, I have been like "eh. ive been better" or something not so positive.  And no, Im not doing ok.  Yes, I am scared, yes, I am worried and stressed and sad, and mad, and confused, and a whole bunch more.  BUT, the Lord is my strength, my rock, my shelter.  He is my joy and if I were to tap into that joy, I could honestly answer people with something positive and be a light.  I havent been a light this week.  I thought about today, when Madi's therapist asked how I was, I could have shone brightly and told her that, this situation is bad, but we are beleiving that Jesus is gonna work it out and we are just knowing God is in control.  But I didnt.  And the same thing when I dropped Madi off at school, her principal asked how I was.  I missed two GREAT opportunities to show Jesus!!

But thank you FATHER, thank you, that you will let me have other opportunities.  And Please please Father, allow me to be more positive.  Give me the strength to praise you!!

Here is some steps to take to become a consistant worshipper:
1. Make a DECISION to praise Him, whether you feel like it or not.  Becuase worship needs to be an act of our WILL, not out emotions!!
2.  Give thanks everyday.  All day.  No matter what.  No food in the cupboards?  Praise Him.  No money? Praise Him.  No job?  Praise Him.  Just simply and wholeheartedly praise Him and be thankful for Him and to Him!!
3. BLESS the Lord at all times.  Through the stress and stuggles, the good and the bad, BLESS the LORD!!
4.  Praise Him in PRIVATE!!!  Psalm 149:5 says to worship Him in our beds.  This is that lifestyle thing... praise Him when NO ONE is listening.  Praise Him when your alone!!  It creates such an intamacy with the Lord and helps you to develop that never ending conversation with the Lord!
5.  Praise Him in PUBLIC!!  When someone asks you how you are, use your answer to praise Him!! Praise Him in song, or humming or just in thought as you are walking through the grocery store.  If every christian truly praised the Lord in public, imagine the impact we could have??

Im going to start doing these things.  I need to get back into this lifestyle of worship and praise Him through it all.  To bless Him through it all.  And to Thank Him through it all!!!

Lamar said that our worship is only as powerful as our lives.   If we have POWERFUL worship.. then that means we have a powerful life.  And a powerful chirstian life will change many many other peoples lives!

So, one question.....

How powerful is YOUR worship?

Update on our Situation

PRAISE GOD!!!
The update from my last post is that Madi's county was asking for Dee Dee's removal, but We convinced them to allow us to keep Dee Dee by changing the sleeping arrangements.
Madi and Dee Dee now have their own rooms, and Bubba is sleeping in MIke and I's room.  LOVELY.

Anyone have a 4 bedroom house we can live in!?!?

We are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to keep them.  This is a permanant placement... the stuff that happened this week prove that the younger kids bio parents abused them, and when abuse happens, it means they will never go back to the abusers.

These are OUR children now.  God has blessed us with them and we are determined to not only keep them, but keep them safe!!!

Thanks for the prayers... we still need them!!!!!

Calling EVERYONE to PRAY!!!!

I can not and will not go into details, but basically, Bubba and Dee Dee may be removed from our home due to an incident that happened between the girls that Mike and I did EVERYTHING in our power to avoid.

If the county decides that Dee Dee needs to go, she will.  There is almost nothing we can do about it.  We love these 2 sooooo much and feel that they are our children as much as Madi!! They have bonded with us and attached to us in a very deep and real way.  We also beleive that we may be the best possible people for Dee Dee and we could be the people God has to help her become the woman she was meant to be!

And Bubba... I honestly can not IMAGINE losing him now.  He is our SON.  Mike and I both sincerely would be broken if he left... Dee Dee too.  But with Bubba... we are with him all the time.  We spend all day with him.  He is my helper, always by my side in the kitchen.  He is Mike's monkey. 

Dee Dee us our little jokester!  Once she learns a joke, she really enjoys re-telling it. She loves to laugh now, and shes learning to love Jesus.
Lil Man says Amen after every prayer now.  He loves to dance to worship music and says JiJi for Jesus.

They BOTH have come so far and I can not imagine life with out them.  SO please please please please pray!!  Please... Not only would MIke and I be devastated, I think Madi would be too.
Thank you all in advance!!!

Dee Dee's Meds

About a month ago, we took Dee Dee off her Adderall and since then we have seen a huge imporvement in her.  She is no longer "comatose" for most of her day.  She is chattering, and happy, and giggly, and is making jokes and just generally acting more like a 6 yr old.
But, she has also been acting out more, stealing more, and not listening!!  So we started on Respiridril (yeah, ok, cant spell that!!) and im seeing some of her negative behaviors lessen, which is good.... but we are still seeing a lot of the defiant behaviors.  So... I guess we havent found the right med yet, but this one is TONS better than the Adderall.

Question... what can cause shaking in kids, and a "jerking" motion at random times?  She is on clonidine, and depakote, as well as the respiridril.  When I called the doctor, he said none of those should be causing a lot of jerking, and we would have to wait until our appt on the 18th to talk about what it could be.  So, in the meantime, Im trying to figure out what else, besides meds, can cause it.  Its happeneing a lot.  Sometimes, I have identified that it happens when she is getting in trouble, or is caught doing something wrong, and sometimes, nothing is happening, its calm and peaceful and she shakes.  To clarify, these are not seizure shakes... just a jerking of her hands or a small jerk of her body.  Its like when you get a chill or something.

Id love some advice, or any experiences you have had with this!!
Thanks! :o)

Big Changes On the Horizon

Happy Decemeber!!
Wow....30 more days and we are done with 09.... wow!!!!
I have this crazy feeling 2010 is going to bring some changes to our family.  I already know of a big one... but I cant share it yet! :o)

I also cant wait until Christmas.  We will be spending Christmas Eve with my family in a cabin at a local lake... my mom aunts said they are going to go "wild" and decorate the inside and outside of the cabin!! The kids will love it!  The Christmas day with Mikes fam.
We are hoping that our extended family from Erie (Mike's side) can make it down here with their new lil baby boy.  They are such a fun and Godly couple, and we really enjoy spending time with them... and there other 2 kids are sooo cute and fun, and Madi loves them.  Cant wait for Dee Dee and Bubba to meet them too! :o)
AND, my sister-in-law is due in the next 2 weeks with a baby boy... and we seriously cant wait to meet him!  Good stuff!
God is good to us.  He has blessed us with an absolutly amazing family and this great future, and this great ministry of the redemption of kids.  Yeah.  God Rocks! :o)
As we count down to Christmas, and on to the New Year, my mind cant help but start to get consumed by the presents I need to buy, wrap, and give.  The boxes that need put away or moved to the basement, the hall closet that needs cleaned out so when people come, they have places for their coats, the food I need to cook, the sweets that need baked, the cards that need sent, and the family pictures that need taken.  And as I sat down last night to make my month of December to do list, I just stopped and realized that on my list, i included nothing about the real meaning of this season!!
So this morning, after a lot of thought and prayer, I added a few extras to my list.
1. Find a daily game/activity to do with the kids as a countdown to Christmas that tells the story of Jesus.  (Dee Dee and Bubba dont have a lot of experience with Jesus and Dee Dee doesnt know the Xmas story!)
2. Go Caroling (this may not happen, but I'd LOOOVE to do this and I think that the kids would love this!)
3. Make a BIG meal and take it to a local Childrens Home/Residental Treatment Facillity for some foster kids... and give those kids some love!
4. Teach the kids a really lovely Christmas song to sing for the family at Christmas Eve.  The girls both love music so much, I think this would be so cute for them!
5. Take a bath.  Just one.  Just for me.  No hurried shower that day.... just a nice relaxing bath!!
6.  Read the kids lots and lots of stories.
7.  Have the kids HELP me bake....trying to find ways to spend time with them while I get all this stuff done!
8.  The girls are going to help us wrap Alex's presents! :o)
9.  Spend and extra bit of time everyday praying.  I need to keep Jesus front and center and not let my time with Him fall on the back burner becuase my list is huge!!
10. ENJOY THE SEASON!!!!  This is such a GREAT time of year!!  The lights, the presents (i love presents), the family time, the MEANING of the season, the Joy, the Peace, and the Love.... they all should be celebrated and enjoyed.  Especially the meaning!  SO I plan on enjoying this season to its fullest! 

Christmas with 3 kids... that will be such a new and wonderful thing... I cant wait for the insanity! lol!! :o)