I thought maybe I would take time to share our infertility journey (the readers digest version) on here... because you ladies asked me some great questions after my last post.
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16.. so Mike and I knew that pregnancy would be a difficult thing for us. We had been married about a year and a half when we felt ready to try to concieve (TTC). We assumed we would have to try for a while before we could actually start infertilitty meds. I had lost a lot of weight and my periods were actually very regular... and after trying for about 3 months we got pregnant! But, I found out the same day that I also had devolped diabetes as a side affect or part of my PCOS. We lost our first baby at about 7 weeks, and we named her Hope. After that the docs put me on a ton of meds and told me to wait a year. I was DEVASTATED! A year? At the time I remember thinking that it seemed like a life time. Almost 4 yrs later... yea, not so much! As I was on all those meds I gained all the weight back that I had lost... in about a 7 or 8 month time period, and the one thing the docs always tell you is to LOSE WEIGHT to get rid of the diabetes. So I went rogue. I took myself off all meds and lost all that weight again and then some more. During that time, I also concieved 3 more times and lost them all. The last one, was about a year ago now and after that one the doc said that most likely all I would need to do is use progesterone to keep the pregnancy viable. It seems inconcievable to me that thats all it would take. It scares me SOOOO much to think about trying again and one little suppository would keep my baby alive.
So thats where we are. I do know that something is just not "right" with me right now. I need to visit the doc for some bloodwork to figure out whats up. It could be something as simple as my Rhuematoid Arthritis (RA) acting up, or my hormone levels outta whack due the PCOS... or something else. Id like to think its just the RA or PCOS... thats my hope.
Basically... my dilemma is totally fear based...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Fever...
Yea. So I think I am sick. Yup. Pretty sure. I think I have full blown baby fever. Its bad. Its all I think of! I dream of babies, I cry over baby commercials, I think I am pregnant all the time... but never am. I feel like life is not complete. I really try to be happy for people I know who get pregnant, but the jealousy eats me up. It stinks!!!
I know a lot of you wonderful ladies who read my blog are adoptive moms and really advocate for that... but Im going to ask for a prayerful opinion.
We have two choices right now. Domestic baby adoption or infertility treatments. Before we go any further... this isnt choosing once and for all which one we will do and its like one or the other... no, its more which one to do now... which one to save for 2 or 3 years. Im 28.. I have time!
With infertility treatments.... we would not do ANYthing invasive. Im talking about progesterone, metformin and MAYBE clomid. Thats it. No IFV, nothing expensive and crazy. That money could go towards an adoption. My drawback with this option is that we have ben through 4 miscarriages. Im at a place where I dont think I can handle another one. Im VERY scared of losing another dream. Its getting better. I am getting better with it. Becoming more trusting again... but I dont know that I could handle going through that gut wrenching pain again... yet.
With adoption... its just downright expensive. Not to God of course... but for us. And I really do trust Him... but I think it needs to be His timing. And thats what we are trying to figure out... is it His timing?? And there are other issues... like the momma changing her mind, etc. And it can be a long process... to be picked, to get the homestudy, waiting waiting waiting!
We are just praying HARD to make the right choice. Its not an easy one... but we are more than ready for a baby. My heart aches for a baby... and we are NOT going to stop doing foster care and we would still absolutely adopt an older kid... but I want a baby for a million and one reasons!
I know a lot of you wonderful ladies who read my blog are adoptive moms and really advocate for that... but Im going to ask for a prayerful opinion.
We have two choices right now. Domestic baby adoption or infertility treatments. Before we go any further... this isnt choosing once and for all which one we will do and its like one or the other... no, its more which one to do now... which one to save for 2 or 3 years. Im 28.. I have time!
With infertility treatments.... we would not do ANYthing invasive. Im talking about progesterone, metformin and MAYBE clomid. Thats it. No IFV, nothing expensive and crazy. That money could go towards an adoption. My drawback with this option is that we have ben through 4 miscarriages. Im at a place where I dont think I can handle another one. Im VERY scared of losing another dream. Its getting better. I am getting better with it. Becoming more trusting again... but I dont know that I could handle going through that gut wrenching pain again... yet.
With adoption... its just downright expensive. Not to God of course... but for us. And I really do trust Him... but I think it needs to be His timing. And thats what we are trying to figure out... is it His timing?? And there are other issues... like the momma changing her mind, etc. And it can be a long process... to be picked, to get the homestudy, waiting waiting waiting!
We are just praying HARD to make the right choice. Its not an easy one... but we are more than ready for a baby. My heart aches for a baby... and we are NOT going to stop doing foster care and we would still absolutely adopt an older kid... but I want a baby for a million and one reasons!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What a Blessing
This past weekend, the hubs and I threw each other a party for our birthdays! His was on the 11th, and today, the 20th is mine.
What a blessing. The day was wonderful!! There were about 30 people packed into my house and overflowing to the outside. So much chatting and great fellowship occurred... and that made me so happy. I had a moment at one point that I just wanted to share.
Mike and I were holding a big platter of cake surrounded by cupcakes, the candles were lit and everyone was singing to us. There were a LOT of people there and the love that was flowing was amazing. I looked into Mikes eyes and we smiled.. we were kinda embarrased to be in the midst of so much attention, but at that moment, I just felt so full. Full of love, blessings, hope, encouragement, friendship... full of Jesus. It rocked.
I have felt for a few years now that we have been alone... Jesus and each other were our only friends, but now I cansee God bringing us into a time of plenty in this area. And I am so thankful. My best friends now live 3 hours away, instead of 14... we have renewed friendships that have been lost, or just left by the wayside... and we are making new friends at church. And our party was a mix of all those friendships.
Another favorite of the day?? The homemade cards. OH MY WORD!! Our bar is LOADED with them!! The kids all made us some. And the words they used and what they said to us made us swell with love and pride!!!
And, can I say.... a few months ago... the idea of a party at our house would make me cringe becuase of the behaviors that I would expect to see from them. Anger and attitude from the oldest, lying and trying to get attention fromt he youngest and who knows from Madi. On Saturday.... I swear, if you didnt know they were kids with issues, you would have had no clue that they were just normal attatched kids. It was awesome. We were so proud of them!! They were happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet... and they had lots of other kids to play with... which makes me so happy. We finially have friends with kids!! Haha!
Anyways... what a blessing. I think it was the best birthday party I have EVER had... those memories will bring a smile to my face for a long long time!!
What a blessing. The day was wonderful!! There were about 30 people packed into my house and overflowing to the outside. So much chatting and great fellowship occurred... and that made me so happy. I had a moment at one point that I just wanted to share.
Mike and I were holding a big platter of cake surrounded by cupcakes, the candles were lit and everyone was singing to us. There were a LOT of people there and the love that was flowing was amazing. I looked into Mikes eyes and we smiled.. we were kinda embarrased to be in the midst of so much attention, but at that moment, I just felt so full. Full of love, blessings, hope, encouragement, friendship... full of Jesus. It rocked.
I have felt for a few years now that we have been alone... Jesus and each other were our only friends, but now I cansee God bringing us into a time of plenty in this area. And I am so thankful. My best friends now live 3 hours away, instead of 14... we have renewed friendships that have been lost, or just left by the wayside... and we are making new friends at church. And our party was a mix of all those friendships.
Another favorite of the day?? The homemade cards. OH MY WORD!! Our bar is LOADED with them!! The kids all made us some. And the words they used and what they said to us made us swell with love and pride!!!
And, can I say.... a few months ago... the idea of a party at our house would make me cringe becuase of the behaviors that I would expect to see from them. Anger and attitude from the oldest, lying and trying to get attention fromt he youngest and who knows from Madi. On Saturday.... I swear, if you didnt know they were kids with issues, you would have had no clue that they were just normal attatched kids. It was awesome. We were so proud of them!! They were happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet... and they had lots of other kids to play with... which makes me so happy. We finially have friends with kids!! Haha!
Anyways... what a blessing. I think it was the best birthday party I have EVER had... those memories will bring a smile to my face for a long long time!!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Yea... Im still alive!!
So... Im ashamed to even post a blog since its been so long! haha!
Just kidding!!
What a busy few weeks its been. We moved in, unpacked, went to Ohio (8 hours away), unpacked some more, had a little bit of flooding, more unpacking, fought in some stink bug wars, unpacked, tried to get stable high speed internet, unpacked, organized, and unpacked. :o)
So... there are still stink bugs, though definitly not as many.
We still dont have high speed internet.
We have recovered and dried out from the water in the house.
And Ohio. What an awesomly great trip it was. I did some photo shoots, chatted for HOURS with friends, met new friends that we chatted for hours with, and learned fun stuff.
Madi is doing so well with her schooling. It still seems like a lot to do in a day.. but maybe it will get better. She has memorized 5 verses so far... and we are turning them into a collage for over her bed. I cant wait to show you all... and to show you pics of our house. Soon.. I promise!
She also started ballet at her old studio... which is a Christian studio. LOVE them! And we just found out today that her class is going to be part of a big production of the Nutcracker... which is her favorite ballet ever!! She is one of the angels.
I am feeling ok... really tired lately... but that could be from 4 straight nights of less than 6 hours of sleep. Yeah... we stayed up till at least 2 am every night in Ohio...and got up at 8. :o) But those conversations where so worth it.
Well.. thats it for now. Super sleepy!!
Just kidding!!
What a busy few weeks its been. We moved in, unpacked, went to Ohio (8 hours away), unpacked some more, had a little bit of flooding, more unpacking, fought in some stink bug wars, unpacked, tried to get stable high speed internet, unpacked, organized, and unpacked. :o)
So... there are still stink bugs, though definitly not as many.
We still dont have high speed internet.
We have recovered and dried out from the water in the house.
And Ohio. What an awesomly great trip it was. I did some photo shoots, chatted for HOURS with friends, met new friends that we chatted for hours with, and learned fun stuff.
Madi is doing so well with her schooling. It still seems like a lot to do in a day.. but maybe it will get better. She has memorized 5 verses so far... and we are turning them into a collage for over her bed. I cant wait to show you all... and to show you pics of our house. Soon.. I promise!
She also started ballet at her old studio... which is a Christian studio. LOVE them! And we just found out today that her class is going to be part of a big production of the Nutcracker... which is her favorite ballet ever!! She is one of the angels.
I am feeling ok... really tired lately... but that could be from 4 straight nights of less than 6 hours of sleep. Yeah... we stayed up till at least 2 am every night in Ohio...and got up at 8. :o) But those conversations where so worth it.
Well.. thats it for now. Super sleepy!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
