The joys of living in a huge community of townhomes...

NOSY NEIGHBORS!

Seriously.  People love drama and seem to look for it.  To really go outta their ways to look for it.
Im trying to just pray for them, but really... I want to strangle them.

Oh, and world.... until you have had a foster kid or two with some pretty serious issues, and a very willful, stubborn, pigheaded personality, dont judge.  Seriously.  Dont. Judge.

I need some Jesus. Pray for us!!

Thanksgiving 09

Yay... yesterday was a lot of fun!  Mike had to work... sadface... but the extra money is much appreciated, and he got off at 3, so we still got to eat with him!
My aunt Barbie picked the kids and I up at 1130 and we went to my moms house to play until dinner was ready at 3.  The kids made turkey hands and we stuck them up on the window

(Sorry about Dee Dee's blurry face... since her and Bubba's parents are still part of their lives, we have to keep them private... but since Madi could be adopted within the next 20 days, Im bending the rules and putting her pics up! :O)

The girls also got to play with the new play dough kits my mom got them... they are so neat!!  One of them made cupcakes and cakes and stuff, and the other ice cream treats!  

We also took a few pics of the kids in their cute outfits, but obviously I cant post them here.  SADFACE!  :o)

The food was amazing.  I LOVE new food and exotic tastes and using tons of different seasonings, but there is something so good and comforting about a traditional home cooked Thanksgiving dinner!!  The turkey, the stuffing, corn and my Aunt Barb's awesome mashed potatoes. No fluff...just potatoes milk and a CRAP TON of butter.. haha!  Paula Deen would lover her potatoes!! And the kids... holy cow did they eat!  Dee Dee had a plate fuller than mine, and seconds on the potatoes, corn and filling.  Man, she ate soooo much.  And Alex had 2 and a half bowls of potatoes, corn and turkey mixed together.  Madi didnt do so well... but she was having some serious issues with not have all the adult attention on her.  Oh well.

After the wonderful meal and delcious pies for dessert, we adults played a couple games of my fav, 500 bid!! Love that game.  Alex and Mike played with this cool wooden farm set that my mom found for him.  Oh, and watched football. :o)

(Playing blocks with Daddy!)

It was a truly wonderful day, and makes me feel even more thankful than ever before!  Cant wait until Sunday... we are spending the day wtih Mike's family and having a baby shower for his brother and sister in law.  Gotta love a monkey-themed shower for a lil boy.  And I'm in charge of decorating... hehe! LOVE IT!

The Next Step

I talked to the county caseworker last night about Dee Dee and the abuse.  He said we cant file anothernumber against them with Childline right now becuase the last one was unfounded and she even spoke with an expert in child abuse victims.
So, we are now journaling and charting everything she says and every time she acts out and we find out its related to this.  Then, eventually, if we have compiled enough evidence, we will call it in again and hopefully she will be comfortable enough with us to talk to the specialist again and actually be able to tell them what happened.
Please just keep praying for peace for this little girl in the midst of the storm.  And the knowledge that she is SAFE with us!!

Boogey Men Are Real

My facebook status today:

when your child's bogeyman is a person in their lives.... and they still have to see them... nothing you say or do can make it ok. Man... my heart is aching. This is one of those times when beng a foster parent sucks. I cant protect my child becuase she isnt mine legally. Pray for our kids today... please!?

 

One of our foster kids told us this weekend that someone in their life that they are legally made to visit with has s*xually abused them in the past.  Tonight they have a visit with this person.  I got my first ever phone call from the school asking me to pick this child up!! I had just put Bubba down for a much needed nap and the (amazingly wonderful awesome) principal said it is ok, they put her in learning support with a one on one aide for the rest of the day.  Apparantly she bit 3 students, hit a few teachers, and was hysterically crying at one point, and just generally unhappy and crying for the rest of the day.  I asked her to be put on the phone and I began to ask her if she was angry and she said yes, but couldnt identify why.  I asked her if she was sad and she said yes, but again, couldnt identify why.  I asked her if she was scared and she said yes... and I asked why, and she said "I dont want to go to jail".  And then gave the phone to her principal and started jibber jabbering about random stuff... she is the BEST at changing the subject.  Shes scared of going to jail becuase she told me she was abused.  When she told me about the abuse, she said she didnt want to go to jail.  She thought I would send her to jail.  Or her abuser would.  And now tonight, she has to go face her abuser.  No wonder she is scared.  No wonder she is freaking out.
And I cant do a freakin thing!!  Jesus help me!  Jesus take the wheel here cuase Im feeling totally helpless.  Pray for these 2 beautful lil beings who need healing and peace and a SAFE LIFE!!  I feel like my hands are tied behind my back and Im strapped to a wall while my kid is forced to go play with the boogey man.  TO hug the boogey man. 
So pray for her mind.  Pray for her peace and her safety.  And pray that Jesus just wraps His loving Daddy arms around them both.

Kid-Free

We are KID-FREE!!  (and feeling slightly guilty).

We have had Madi for 1 year 3 months and 7 days.  During that time, we have never put her on respite.  We did go away for a weekend 2 times and left her with my mom and on a week long missions trip.   She also spent a week at a special foster kids overnight camp (Royal Family Kids Camp-amazing!!).  But we never left her with another family.  And this weekend, after a week that left both Mike and I, drained, defeated, and stressed, we felt the need for the first time to send all 3 kids away.  So we did.  Madi and Bubba went to a family that we have never met (scary... seriously).  And Dee Dee went to a family right up the road that has had Dee Dee for a few hours a couple of times.  Two of thier kids ride the same bus as the girls, so we feel comfortable with them.  Their house is totally CRAZY, but Dee Dee seems to do fine with it.

So since about 1pm today, I have been childless and its weird.  Nice... but weird.  It was necessary too... I got to relax and destress and nap today for the first time in a long time.  Mike and I are relaxing and watching TV and not worrying about children waking up or not falling asleep, or who is touching who, or who is telling on who.  Or who is hitting who.  And thats the easy part of our jobs lately.  We are dealing with  Dee's admission of abuse by her parents, endless appts to determine what exactly is going on with her, the changing of meds, the serious change in mood and behavior becuase of all the med switches, AND she has decided to not sleep.  Seriously.

On top of that... Madi has been acting out a LOT lately.  We had an evaul for her and the doc says she thinks its a delayed adjustment disorder and stress over the adoption.  So we are starting family based counseling with her soon.  IN the meantime... lots of timeouts, lots of stress, lots of crying, and lots of screaming (on her part... mostly.)  And we had court an hour and half away for Madi this week too.

Plus, regular cousneling for both girls, Early Intervention services for Bubba, parental visits for Bubba and Dee, physicals, WIC appts, dentals, and paperwork.  Lots n lots of paperwork. 
On thursday alone, we had 5 apppts.  And without my mom, we wouldnt have made one of them... an EEG for Dee Dee over an hour away. 

Needless to say... Im feeling so overwhelmed.  I knew that having 3 kids would be hard work, but all of this at one time... yeah, I wasnt prepared for it. 

Thank the Lord for my mom.   I know this summer we had a lot of issues, but my mom seems to have balanced out and we have mended broken bridges.  My mother in law even helped with facilitaing all the stuff we had this week.  Its a family affair!! We need the village to raise this bunch! haha! :o)  My mom even brings ME coffee when she comes to help with the kids.  Thats love! :o)

I say all this... and re-read it and pray it doesnt come across as complaining.  I am so thankful that I have a chance to have these kids.  To be momma to 3 very special wonderful (if not a little crazy) kids.  Im so happy to see them grow and learn about God and learn about themselves.  I honestly wouldnt trade this life for any other.

All that said,  we needed a break.  I think I learned this week that I am not invincible.  I am not Super Mom alone.  It is God ahead of me, my husband beside me, and mu family behind me making me Super mom.  So I need to learn to ask for help... thus... the resipte for the 3 kids! :o)

Thanksgiving is just one day...

but should it be?  Shouldnt thanksgiving be a year long thing?  A Life-Long thing? 
On facebook, someone posted a status that basically challeneged those reading it to post what they are thankful for every day the whole month of November.  Ive been doing it for about a week and half and its opened my eyes.  Becuase after about 10 things, the "obvious" things have been used up... family, friends, jobs, dog, God, etc.  Ive had to start searching.  Becuase, yea, I could say my house, my tv, the material, but I let that be one day, I spent one day being thankful for all the "material things".  So now Im digging deep.  Its an eye-opening excercise... one thats making me realize that I have years worth of facebook status' in the ways I am thankful to God!!  :o)

On another note... beleive with us that by Wednesday somehow, miraculously, we would have the money we need to complete the next step in Madi's adoption.  Its not much at all, but we are broke and we just need God to show up!!  (Long story.. but we should have had the money, but were not paid on time for a job we did... so we are just praying God can come through!!)

Groceries

I never really understood why giving someone the gift of groceries was such a blessing.
Sure... free food when your struggling is a wonderful thing, but it goes much much deeper than that!
The gift of groceries is so much more than free food.
Instead, its the solid feeling and knowledge that for another week, you have food to feed your family.  That no matter what car breaks, no matter how much gas prices rise, no matter what unexpected thing comes up... you can fill your babies bellies.
Its the knowledge that someone loves you.  Someone cares about you.  Someone is concerned with your babies belly.  Someone other than you.  Someone if thinking about you... of you.
Its the soul-satisying way the Lord shows you HE is thinking of you!  He cares about you... cares about your children... your husband.  Cares so much He chose to use someone else to show you.  He also is chosing to bless someone else by having them bless you!  Its cool to see God blessing others. 
Yeah, its humbling.  Being on the recieveing end.  I know.  But the Lord is really showing me that He wants to use us in a lot of ways... and right now, others blessing us is His way of using us!  Its a little bit of a weird thing for me.  Becuase my heart is to help others... always.  I wish I had millions to give away... wishing I could bless others with groceries is a daily prayer of mine.  I wish we had the money to sponsor hundreds of orphans, and could bless hundreds of families by paying for their adoption fees. 
Ahh... I digress.
Back to groceries.  Its a blessing in so many ways.  I cant wait until the day when we can bless others.  In the meantime, I'm trying to stay humble in this and accept with a smile.  And pray for those that bless us.

Testing...

Today, I decided to take Dee Dee off of her adderall.  The counselor she sees said it would be fine and if we needed doc approval, we could get it.  (I actually got a hold of her this morning!) Admittedly... Im kinda regretting it.  Yea, she is MUCH more "with it"... but she is sooo defiant so far!! Its so hard to deal with!! She has had like 6 or 7 timeouts... and 2 in the "chair".   In our house, if you can sit by yourself, you can sit in the corner of the living room, facing the wall, but if you cant manage to stay in timeout, you sit in a kitchen chair, with a booster seat on it, buckled in facing a wall. 
Soooo... it shows me she needs a med.  But not adderall.  And I'm thanking Jesus for the docs who are willing to listen to this foster momma.  For a little girl with some light in her eyes, and the patience I know He will give me!!

So many things to post.....

So little time or energy to post them!! :o)

So thats what Im going to post about today!  My total lack of energy lately!  Its 11:20 and Im still awake, but barely.  Im just not sure whats going on, but Ive been trying to beef up my vitamin intake (through juices and stuff.. I dont take vitamin pills... but thats another post!!) and sleep when I can, but I cant seem to get enough.. and its really only been the past week, maybe a week and a half.  Im not sure whats going on, and right now, I cant afford my copay to see a doc... but if this persists for another week or so, I will have to bite the bullet and go.  Ugh!
But we have been having a lot of family fun!  Tonight after we got done eating dinner, (an actual uneventuful dinner for once.. wow!) we got jammies on and we were preparing to go downstairs and watch a family movie.  Well this tired momma went into my room and put my pjs on and my bed was sooo tempting that i decided to play hide and go seek.  I decided to hide first... but I was the only one who knew we were playing! HAHA!  I got about 10 mins in my bed, under the covers, in silence, before the kids discovered I was missing.  Mostly becuase DADDY was like, Fuzzy... Fuzzy... Dana?  And then the kids took up the chant... momma, where are you?  The Alex comes over... he  knew where i was the whole time, and peeked under my covers... so I said "shh, momma's hiding".  Well, he thought it was great so went running to tell everyone he found me... cept no one else understands much of what he says!!  Ha!  He was saying "momma hiding bed" but only thing they all understand was momma!  loL!! LOVE IT!! Eventually Mike got up from the floor in the girls room and came over and found me.  Then all of a sudden I was surrounded by LITTLE PEOPLE (and a lil dog).  So my peace was over.  So we all ended up in our bed watching Despereux.  Cute movie... we watched abotu half of it... cant wait to watch the rest.  Even Alex was on the bed watching the movie and reading books!!  It was soo cute and peaceful!!
The other night, we also had a family dance!! Put on some Isreal Houghton and danced to some of the faster songs... it was nice to see Dee Dee participating!!  She has so far been resistant to any dancing we do. (yea, we probably look pretty goofy doing it too!)  But she was dancing and giggling and it was so nice.  Bubba is a dancer!!  Anytime music comes on the tv or a fast song is on in the car he dances!  He isnt into to TV much, but sometimes when Im cleaning or making dinner I put on PBS Kids Sprout, and he wont watch it, but as soon as the theme songs come on, he is right there dancing and clapping.  He even lifts his lil hands to worship like he sees us and other people at church do! :o)
Tomorrow, while Bubba naps, Im going to try baking with the girls.  Madi is usually the one that helps me, but we are going to have Dee Dee help too! Hopefully we can get through it with as little jealousy as possible! ;o)
heres to hoping the kids sleep in tomorrow... Please Lord!! :o)

The "MED" Fight

Dee Dee is one a couple of different meds.  Now, we dont beleive her blanked out behavior is solely caused by meds, (see tuesday's posted below) but yesterday I got a glimpse of the fact that the meds may be contibuting to it.
The kid had one adderall left yesterday morning and after I dropped her off at school and Madi was done with her counseling appt, I planned on stopping at the doc office and picking up the script and running to the pharmacy.  Well, the lovely child decided to spit it out alllll over the table.  The last one.  I was freaking out.  But, then I thought, well, oh well.  What can I do now.  She needs to get to school and I need to get Madi to counseling.  So she went to school without her adderall.  And her teacher reported to me that she listened a little better yesterday... and was able to sit in her seat much better... and focus better!  What the crap!?!?  The adderall is supposed to make her focus and able to listen better and sit in her seat better, and off of it, she did those things better.
Now... thats not to say the unmedicated Dee Dee was perfect, the defiance increased a bit... and was even worse this morning, but defiance seems a small price to pay for her being able to be a REAL kid!!  She was laughing yesterday and ENGAGING with us!! She even danced in the living room with all of us!  She has told us many times that she doesnt DANCE... and she was having so much fun last night!! :o)
I dont now what to do... I dont want to wait until her next med check with a man who will give us 5 mins and not really listen to what we have to say... so I praying about the next step and Im going to talk to her caseworker.

Dee Dee's Day

So today was Dee Dee's appt day... she had 4.  So  the first one was at 10:30... and lasted until 2.  Thus, missing the other 3.  Erg.  Oops!
We had the honor of meeting with a woman who is a S*xual Abuse Specialist... well, I dont think thats her actual title, but thats pretty much what she does! lol! 
At the end of this ridiculously long meeting, her basic opinion was this child is not normal.  Her affected behaviors, and "blankness", and "zoning out" are not normal.  These things are NOT the result of trauma alone, or her add, adhd, or odd (oppositional defiance disorder) or any of the meds.  This specialist said "I am NOT a psychologist so i cannot diagnosis this child, but I have seen over 6000 kids and have never seen a child act this way".  She pretty much confirmed Mike and I's suspisions and our caseworkers as well.  She is going through life blank and missing life and its not ok.  So we are going to be searching for a Pediatric Neuro-Psychologist.  And I want her to see the best... even if we have to drive to Philly, Hershey, Pittsburg or beyond.  She also did say becuase of Dee Dee's complete lack of engaging, she is unable to tell if there was s*xual abuse, and even if there was, Dee could NEVER be a credible witness.  Thats a little disheartening.  IF (big IF) she was abused that way, I want her to be able to be her voice in this and for her to be able to know she did everything she could have done to make sure no one else is abused.  The other person that was possibly abused was only 3, so she wouldnt be much of a witness either.
I say if becuase I havent seen any acting out, although the other foster family did.  So I dont want to put an accusastion on someone if it isnt true and if I dont have any solid proof.   I am also kinda waiting for that check in my spirit to say, thats it... thats how I will know.  I got that with Madi a LONG time ago, when she first came to us.  But I believe, even if she was abused, thats the least of her problems!!  I am so excited to find out what is truly going on and how best to help her.  I want the eureka moment from the doctors that tell us how to reach this little girl!  I know it will happen... I know there is a person to reach.  I truly believe she has the potential to NOT be labeled mentally retarded... or having a low IQ.  I think there is simply a wall up.  I want to learn why the wall is there... how it got there... and how to knock it down to release God's little princess inside. 
So, now starts this Momma's Quest to "find" our little girl in there.  I know we can.  I beleive the Lord brought her here to find her! 

Anyone know of a leading Pediatric Nuero-Psychologist on the East Coast?? loL!

"My" Kids

I just thought I'd take a moment to update the blog with how the kids are doing!

Madi is not doing so well.  She is back to being super super jealous and selfish.  Its soooo tough to see, because she is such a sweet lovely girl, and right now she is just generally being mean!!  This is my beautiful, loving, big-hearted, hyper girl, and the only part of that she is living up to right now is hyper.  It makes me sad to see her lke this becuase I know its becuase these new siblings that she prayed so long for arent what she expected.  She expected a sister to play with and talk with and go outside and play with, but unfortunatly, Dee Dee isnt like that.  Dee Dee's conversational skills are very limited and she mostly just answers yes to everything she is asked and tends to lie about stuff too.  Madi tries to talk to her, but its very one-sided.  She is having a hard time sharing toys, even toys that arent hers.  She is having a hard time sharing people too.  Last night she through one prolonged "fit" from about 6 until 9:30. (She waseven put to bed at 7...) becuase she didnt want to share my mom, Mimi.  It was soo stressful to the other kids.  We really need to figure out a way to help her with all of this, but Mike and I are just at our wits end.  Any suggestions?  Every thursday night while the other 2 have visits with birth mom, we take Madi out to eat and spend an hour with just her.  I would love to make it more time... but thats tough!! :o)  Madi is doing very well in school and is hardly ever getting into trouble!! YAY!!  She is making friends and learning stuff, and remember stuff from last year.  She is reading soooo well!!  I love that... she seriously has devolped some awesome reading skills!  And she is able to work on homework alone!  Its so cool.
Dee Dee is making progress.  We are working on lying and stealing and hoarding things.  She is receiving counseling, physchiatry, learning support, and will be getting 25 hours of TSS time in school and 5 in the home, and other mobil therapies starting in the next 2 weeks.  The mobile therapies may include Occupational therapy and possibly physical therapy.  Whew.  This poor kid needs all of it.... and maybe even more!!  We are still learning about her and all she needs.  On the school front, they have decided to keep her in 1st grade, in learning support for the morning and then put her in an afternoon kindergarten program.  Yes, she "passed" kindergarten, but she did not master it... and has almost no skills she should have learned there.  So she will be in both, which i think is great!  In the morning, she will get a lot of hands on, one on one teaching and will really focus on 123's and ABC's and shapes and other things and then the afternoon will be fun kindergarten time!  She has really bonded to Mike... but is working on the bond with me.  Visits with mom really mess her up with me tho.  Afterwards, she just refuses to listen to me.  Sigh.  But the agency we work with has decided to bump up her status with us and that will enable us to get her more services if she needs it (yay!), but it will require a little more paperwork (boo!)!!  But, if more paperwork means more help for her, Ill do it. 
Bubba is my little man!  Oh my!! I love this boy so much.  We have bonded a lot... mostly becuase he is home here with me all day.  He has an Early Intervention appointment coming up soon, becuase his speech is a little behind and he is super clumsy and has not mastered the steps yet.  But, he is talking... its just very very hard to understand.  But he has words that I can understand and he said banana super clearly yesterday!!  YAY! :o)  Im confident he will be speaking clearly soon and he will prove he is smart!! He is also my little cuddle bug.  After a nap or in the morning when he gets up, if we have time, we lay down in my bed and cuddle for a while, and then I will turn the tv on and he will lay with me and watch tv for a while.  Its sooooo nice.  He loves Mike too... he gets very excited and happy when Daddy gets home and always runs to him and gives him hugs... its super cute. 
My kids.  Its so nice to be a family of 5.  It makes us feel so much more complete.... although we know we arent complete... we are just closer to it!! 

Prayers Needed

Im asking our blog friends to pray for us.  I can't go into details, but it involves the church we are the worship leaders for. 

We need wisdom and direction and the ability to think before we speak and act and to always be a Christ-like as possible.

Im angry and hurt and thats not always possible, but I want to do this the Jesus way!!

Thanks!

National Adoption Month!

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH!! 
Yay... this is a good month!  This is a month to celebrate all the amazing little ones out there who have found a forever family... this is a month to hope for thousands and millions more to find theirs too!  Its also a month to tell as many people as possible about how they can help an orphan!!

In the US today, there are many many many children in foster care.  They are today's orphans! 
I have some statistics... I know they are old... from 05, but I think we can at least get a picture about the state of our orphans from them!
*513,000 children were in the U.S. foster care system on September 30, 2005. Most children are placed temporarily in foster care due to parental abuse or neglect.
*Average Age: 10.0 years  6% < 1 year
  26% 1-5 years
  20% 6-10 years
  28% 11-15 years
  18% 16-18 years
  2% >19 years
*Male 52%
  Female 48%
*In 2005, 60% of adopted children were adopted by their foster parent(s). The "foster parent" category excludes anyone identified as a relative of the child. 25% of children adopted in FY 2005 were adopted by a relative. A "relative" includes a step-parent or other relative of the child.
 To read more foster care statistics, click HERE

What does that mean for the average Joe "Church-going" Schmo and Jane "Bible-Carrying" Doe?  (Yea, that would be most of you... lol.. sorry, i was trying to be funny!! :o) 
It can mean a millllllllion things!!  It can mean God is calling YOU to foster care or adoption, or both.  It can mean God is calling you to help a foster family with money, gifts, babysitting (always needed, i promise!!), prayer or even meals!  It can mean that God is calling you to be a CASA worker (go HERE to learn more about CASA... its an awesome program and an awesome way to volunteer). 
I beleive wholeheartedly, that God is calling us ALL to help orphans in some way.  Orphans exsist in every country, every state, every city.  There are even orphans with parents!  I believe an orphan is any child that doesnt have a parent in any way.  Missing a mom, or a dad, an emotionally unavailable parent, kids in foster care, kids whose parents are in jail, the parents are dead, or have abandon the kids.  Orphans are everywhere and God is calling us to help them!!
I know that not everyone is called to adopt or foster, but everyone is called to help orphans...
James 1:27 tells us that religion which is pure in God's eyes is this: Helping the Orphans and the Widows.  Lets all take the opportunity to practice pure religion this month... National Adoption Month, by helping an orphan in some way!!!!!
If you need help thinking of ways to help orphans, let me know!  I have tons of ideas... some of which my family is going to use.  Even though we are helping orphans, we have decided to do more this month!! :o)