Its very difficult to hear that a long time friend is pregnant. But that difficulty fades and a happiness for the lucky couple replaces those long held feelings of inadecuacy, guilt, shame, and grief. Thats where I am with an old friend.
Sure, I still want my own pregnancy, my own baby shower, my own delivery day. Sure I still wish for a daughter with Mike's ears and my mouth. My chin and his eyes. Sure, there are days when pregnant women depress me, but Im learning. Im learning to deal with it. Im learning to be happy in my own skin. Happy with the daughter that was born in my heart. Im learning to be happy with my tiny family of three, instead of the family of 6 I always hoped for. Still hope for. I can actually find happiness in someone elses good news. I can actually smile and sigh over baby things with someone else without my heart breaking. Im moving on and moving ahead with my eyes on Jesus. I can be happy easily these days!!
So, congratulations old friend. Im sorry we arent current friends. Im sorry you felt you couldnt allow me to join in your happiness. But congratulations.
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