Ugh.

Tonight, our caseworker offered to drive the foster kids home from their visit.  During the hour drive a certain younger kid decided to tell her that Mike and I hit her and we argue a lot.

Thank you JESUS for a great caseworker who knows the truth.

Please pray that we figure out the best way to deal with this.  She is either trying to punish us or get moved... maybe both.  We have been a little harder on her than usual because she has needed it a lot lately.  She is failing school and getting in a lot of trouble at school... not washing properly, not brushing her hair properly... or at all.  She has been disrepectful to Mimi and us, rude to Kiana, and making up stuff... mostly about Madi.  Its getting very difficult around here with her. 

Sigh.  I realllllllllly hope this doesnt have to go any further.  I dont think I could handle an investigation right now... and if they would have to investigate... the kids would have to be moved... which most likely means they would have to stop going to school during the investigation and Kiana has a choral concert coming up. 

Oh.  My.

The Update

Bubba and Dee Dee are such gorgeous little cuties.  I wish I could show you pictures of these kids.  They looks soo good.  Dee's hair has thickened and grew out (it was falling out due to malnutrition when we had her, but had started to get better, and she had a horrid hair cut.)  She is as tall as Madi now... when before she was wearing a 4t... now in a 7/8!!  Bubba is speaking in sentences.  He looks the same, just taller.  So cute and such a stinker.

I have to be honest.  It. was. hard.  Very very hard.  Bubba didnt really recognize me or Mike.  He said he did, but it was really in his eyes.  And then he called the foster dad... daddy.  While I am happy they are bonded and happy... it still hurts my heart. 

I miss them.

Seeing Them Again...

Its been 11 months, almost to the day that we last saw Bubba and Dee Dee. 
11 monts since we saw his silly smile with his tongue sticking out.
11 months since we heard her silly little girl giggle.
11 months since we got hugs.  And love.  And gave them all we had.

Tomorrow... we will see them for the first time in 11 months.  I cant sleep.  What will it be like to see the boy who was my son.  What if he doesnt recognize me... or remember me?  He was only 2.  What will it be like to hear him call another woman momma?  Even a good wonderful woman like the one he lives with now?
What will it be like for Mike to see his little girl... the second apple of his eye now.  They told us she has grown a LOT!  Thats shes even bigger than Madi.  How will he feel when she calls the man she lives with Daddy and not Mike?

Bubba came back into foster care this spring.  The county wanted him with his sister, so he went with them.  They are good, good people.  We actually like them alot.  In fact, the reason we get to see them is becuase they are doing a respite for Jay and Kiki this weekend. 

But my gut clenches at the thought of seeing the kids.

I truly truly believed we would get to adopt bubba.  I knew Dee Dee was gone from us and I was ok with that.  Dee Dee and Mike and really bonded way more than her and I had... and Bubba was my boy.  We  were together everyday all day and he was an awesome awesome kid.  For the months that he was here, he was my son.  Madi's brother.  Madi still thinks of Bubba as her brother... and even to an extent, Dee as her sister.

His new family said he is talking in sentences.... wow!  And Dee has gone from a size 4t to an 8!!  I cant imagine.  I do really want to see them, but I am so scared.  It will be so hard if Bubba doesnt remember me. 

When they left us, I really really really questioned why we were doing this.  If we could still keep doing it. I was heart sick over losing Bubba... but in the end, he belongs to his Abba Father anyway... so I just had to give bubba to God.

Pray for all of us tomorrow... I think it will be a bit of an emotional day.

(If you werent following me a year ago... Dee Dee and Bubba were 6 and 2 and were out foster kids for about 4 months.  Bubba was sent back home to his parents for a few months and becuase of certain things that happened, Dee Dee was moved to another foster home).

Thankfulness Day#3

Thankfulness Day #3

Today I am super thankful for our church.  OUr church truly has a heart for kids and we are even starting to see them gaining God's heart for orphans.. I cant wait for our Orphan Sunday presentation!!

I am thankful for the wonderful couple in charge of the children... they bless MIke and I and our kids every week.  It means the WORLD to me that I know every Sunday and Wednesday my kids are being taught how to pray, worship, and praise.  How to Listen to Daddy God... being fed the Word and being prayed for.  AND... they are learning that they are loved and valued.  That they are beautiful and wonderful just the way they are.

Its amazing to know that what we are teaching them at home is being echoed and re-enforced at church.  I love it!!

I am so thankful God led us to FACC!!!

Thankfulness Day #2

Today I am thankful for provision.

I know that without God's provision, Mike and I would have sank financially this past year.  But HE kept us  afloat with His mercy!

God is soooo good and faithful, and I am trying to open my spiritual eyes even more to see more of what He is doing oh so subtly behind the scenes!!

Like this week and last, I havent had any photo shoots and even had a couple of cancellations, but He is making sure we are taken care of by allowing me to babysit for my adorable cousins.  Not only do I love to love on them, but Madi loves it too!  AND... the extra cash is always a blessing!!

Im praying for more business and I know God will send it my way... cause His provision is awesome!!

Thankfulness Day #1

So, I meant to post this last night... but I forgot.

I am going to post something I am thanful for EVERY day until Thanksgiving.  I will probably need a bit of grace since I may forget a day or too... but I am also doing it on Facebook... so I hope that will help me remember to do it hear more too!!

YEsterday, November 1st, my facebook status said this:
I need practice thanksgiving instead of complaining! Im going 2 post something I am thankful 4 every day until Thanksgiving! Today: I am thankful 4 Michael Matson is one amazing man who truly makes me feel like the most beautiful creature on earth. He makes me feel like Super Woman... & is the man that stands beside ...me supporting me thru everything. I am so blessed 2 be married 2 this Super Man!

Seriously.  What a blassing this man is.  He works hard and does his work with excellence.  He makes me feel like a queen... and helps with homeschooling.  Thats a big GIANT help... lol... this momma is feelinga lil overwhelmed with school right now.  Ok, a lot. :o)

What are you thankful for today??